A Prayer of Thanksgiving

O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar. (Psalm 139:1-2)

You know what my inmost desires beyond my wildest imagination; You have blessed me beyond all expectations, and I thank you. You, Jehovah Jireh, have provided me with much, without having to ask:

• The Christian family left a great impression, including offering to patch up minor damages to a wall and cleaning the entire place from top to bottom before leaving.
• Friends have donated great furniture.
• Friends who are willing to assist in moving and assembling, a daunting task for one
• A day before closing was cold, bleak and wet. The day of the move was clear, warm and sunny. Who would've known that the day after was going to be cold and damp again? And yet, when it came time to move again, the rain stopped, the clouds broke and it became another great day.
• Closing at the perfect time, to house those who are looking for a temporary residence.
• Bringing people in who want temporary residence.
• Most, if not many items in our ideal list checked off, including surprise bonuses like a carbon monoxide detector and readily available network jacks in every room.

May we use this home to bless others.

Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)

I could not have asked for more.

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Absolute Living

Most people believe in absolutes, even if they tell you that everything is relative. But by saying that, the statement contradicts itself.

By believing in the existence of God, I know that absolute morality exists; that there is good and evil, right and wrong. I'm not sure *how* we know this innately, but Romans 2:14-15 seems to allude that we know in our hearts the difference between right and wrong. People generally view taking innocent lives an abomination, and abusing the oppressed or the weak an evil. Is it because we live in "educated" societies or is it more than that? Paul writes:

Even Gentiles [non-Jews], who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right - Romans 2:14-15 (NLT).

Earlier in the book, Paul says right out that people should know that God exists!

They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God. - Romans 1:19-20 (NLT)

Honestly, I have a hard time reconciling that with cultures who may practice rites we don't do (such as those mentioned above). Yes, I can't think of any that I know of right now, but we hear stories every so often (why does cannibalism come to mind?). After generations of the passing these traditions and rituals down, how would they know what is good - would the conscience still be convicting them unless someone tells them (in which some sees that as imposing values upon them)?

Even with a knowledge of absolutes, I see more and more absolutes becoming grey. Take cohabitation. It's so normal now in our culture to live together before marriage. I feel awkward every time my housing situation is brought up -

• Me: Yes, I have a place!
• Them: *Excitement* When do you move in? Are you and your man moving in together?
• Me: Well, not exactly.
  He's moving in first and one of his friends will be living with him.
• Them: Oh.

Here is where I'm hoping they don't think he's secretly gay. Here is also the perfect opportunity to explain why we want to live apart because we feel marriage is sacred and we don't want to risk damaging it before it even starts. But, I never do. I downplay that part and just say that it'd be weird to live with two guys. Maybe I'm worried about whether they think I'm judging them, about their living situations. I know, it shouldn't be about pleasing man but pleasing God. I did pray about opportunities - now I just need to take them.

Related posts:

• Culture

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Sphere of influence

A few recent events led me to think that our sphere of influence is huge! This is more evident in social networking sites like Six Degrees, Friendster, and Facebook. My examples:

• ebri and Ina - I knew them separately, and yet years later, they've tied the knot!
• Baahh, another instance of the above - only observed via flickr and fb
• Bumping into a friend of Vonne's that I met (in Canada) while waiting for Vonne inside the MTR station in Hong Kong
• Knowing that PT and Chris knew my uncle's cousin even before we did.
• Our Children's Church teacher was PT's elementary school classmate.
• Chris and a Crusade staff were housemates before we met the Crusade staff as a customer at my parent's sandwich shop.
• While attending NTCBC's summer conference at BrockU, I discovered I recognized many faces belonging to the other church who were sharing the facilities with us. One of those people was a friend of my housemate at WCRI and who turns out to be a high school classmate of my friend, Jon, while they were in Calgary.
• And while in Calgary, I bumped into someone I met while in Halifax.
• Calgary must be small, because Jon knows my friend Zeke as well, from their Calgary days (before I met either of them).
• While lining up for Krispie Kreme one time, I also realized that a friend of mine regularly saw and chatted with one the people I knew from church while commuting on the bus.

The point is, I seem to run into people around the world, who have connections with other people I know. So, being un-mathematical as I am, if we were to reach out to our own circles, our friends would likely end up knowing another person, belonging to a separate circle, that knows you. Our sphere of influence, though seemingly small to our own eyes, may actually be quite big since we would have overlapping ones - we could make a difference and have an impact on the world. That is, I can tell a friend about my relationship with Christ and she might think I'm crazy. You, belonging to a different social circle than I, may tell your friend about your relationship with Christ, who may think that you're crazy too. But perhaps this friend is one and the same person - she knows two crazies, but would have heard the same idea twice. Maybe it'll sound less crazy by then.

Related posts:

• Influencing the future

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Chop suey and chicken balls

As I passed by a coworker's desk today, I saw a menu pinned against the cubicle wall, a menu for a local Canadian Chinese restaurant nearby. I wondered why so many people at work like their food - the only dishes I see people take out are chicken balls, sweet and sour pork, lemon chicken, spring rolls, and the like. I was reminded of a conversation I had with some friends at the conference the day before.

At many church conferences I have been to, I find that the cafeteria likes to recycle their food. One friend observed that at the one last year, the menu was sausage for breakfast, sausage in a different dish for lunch, and sausage in yet another dish for dinner. Another commented that one tried to make the recycled food more appealing by making chop suey. What's chop suey? Chop suey is literally translated as "random pieces", often leftovers thrown together and stir-fried.

I often wonder if people would still enjoy the Westernized Chinese food as much if they have tried the authentic dishes. My thoughts ventured from enjoying physical food into the spiritual - perhaps that's how it is with a relationship with Christ. We may try as we might to do good, be morally upright, and to be a law abiding citizen, but without a relationship with Christ, we have not tasted the real thing. Or, perhaps it is because we are so accustomed to the chicken balls and the chop suey, that when we are exposed to black bean bitter melon or steamed chopped chicken, we find it unappealing because the black bean is too smelly, the bitter melon bitter, and the chicken too bland, too many bones, and too much pink meat/blood.

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Bouncy eyes

"Bounce the eyes" were mentioned in the Love, Sex and Relationship (Sunday School) class, a phrase associated with the popular book, Every Man's Battle - so popular that I haven't even gotten the book back from the borrower 3+ years ago.

While the concept may be relatively simple to understand: look away from the source that may be sensually stimulating, it is often a challenge to follow through, as demonstrated in what happened on the same day.

To get from the parkade to the new Spring Rolls at Sheppard Centre, the elevator passes the floor where the security guards are monitoring the cameras. Because the elevator has a window, you can see what they're doing. I noticed two of them focusing intently at the monitor, looking at a passing SUV. I was curious as what they saw when the SUV drove past, revealing a couple. I quickly realized their intent when one of the guards zoomed in on the pair and focused the lens on the female and her behind. I was mortified - maybe because the cameras are very well hidden (I looked around the parking garage after) without any warning signs that the premise was being monitored. Or maybe because, in my mind at least, security guards supposed to represent safety and protection.

This action, while likely very normal (and probably happens more often than we know), tells me that women are easy targets - while their physical safety isn't compromised, they are quite vulnerable at being violated by another's eyes and mind. I guess by "bouncing the eyes" and remaining (sexually) pure, as God values, the action actually affects two parties, not just one's self.

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Banana

As immersed as I am in the Canadian culture, I sometimes don't realize how Chinese I am. When I think about it, I realize that the many habits I do are because of what has been taught to me as traditions, including tapping my fingers when tea is poured in a silent gesture of thanks, waiting until the elder starts eating before starting eating, preferring not to sleep under something that is over my head because it feels like pressure as you sleep (fengshui origins?), and even avoiding gifts of clocks, scissors, or knives for others that I may not know well.

To Canadians and to other CBCs, I may seem like I have a solid understanding and grasp of the culture and language - I speak it and manage to read some - but here's the the oxymoron: I am far from being really Chinese. My vocabulary is immensely lacking (especially in HK colloquialism and formality), and I am likely going to have a great culture shock when I go to China in a few days and to HK in less than two weeks. My first real Chinese wedding that I will be attending, which will also be the first real Chinese one where I standing next to the bride, will be quite interesting. Thankfully, I am not expected to say a speech; otherwise, I would be sweating buckets (on top of the sweat from the heat) as I find that I tend to speak Chinese with an accent when I'm being self conscious.

Similarly, a common theme in the New Testament seems to tell us that we, Christians should almost feel the same way: we are to live in the world but not of this world. I can easily identify with (and often slip into) secular living and yet, we are to set ourselves apart, to be different. Maybe sometimes, people can't tell that I'm a Christian just like how I may look Chinese, but to knowing eyes (and ears) they should be able to tell the difference and know the truth.

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Traveller

Imagine for a moment, that you are a traveller who has journeyed for almost three and a half years. The road has been relatively straight even though sometimes you're not sure where you're going on why you've been travelling for this long. During this time, you meet a variety of people - the settled (in towns and villages) and the travellers, some going the same direction as you are and others, heading the opposite way. A few are full of cynicism and bitterness - you learn to recognize that they have been travelling on this path for awhile, very different from the new travellers. The ones who have just started on the journey have such a warm outlook in life bringing fresh ideas and energizing you as you continue onward.

The path that you've been travelling on has it share of flowers and weeds, hills and valleys, gravel and grass, and twists and turns, but it seems to keep going. One day, you look ahead and approach a sign on the side that indicates the path is splitting and the name of the next town on each path; you have come to a fork in the road. The left path looks steep - you can't see beyond the peak of the hill when you look ahead into the distance, but at least it is freshly paved. The right path has a sign saying it's closed and to proceed at your own risk. It looks like you would need to forge a path through the overgrown grass. Some of the travellers you have met earlier have come through this way and had good things to say. Of course, you can just continue straight on the familiar path, the one that you've been on all along, but it may not contain as much excitement and opportunities to explore as the other two paths. Which one would you take?

This is almost about timing. When I wanted change, the opportunity wasn't there; it wasn't right timing. Now, I'm not sure if this is it. This week, an article on Boundless.org caught my eye; it seems to be quite a timely one - perhaps one that also speaks to fresh graduates. The writer reminds us of Psalm 37:4 where it says, "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." For me, I'm not sure what the desires of my heart are, but I have faith that He certainly knows. And more often than not, my mind is far away from my heart. Part of me is excited about what's happening now with the road that is in construction and the potential opportunity to be one of the first ones to venture on it when it is done. Yet, I know it's been a couple of years now and who knows how much longer it will take before the road is done and ready to use. The other part is wondering whether I would be foolish to pass on an opportunity that I've long hoped for. What is holding me back? Perhaps it is the question of whether I will succeed (which translates as enjoying it and doing well) if I take the path to destination unknown. Whatever direction I take, it's a risk, varied in degree perhaps - two choices that would require me to step out of my comfort zone.

I believe that God sometimes keeps doors open on purpose because leaving only one of them open would be too easy. Perhaps both choices could be good choices and that you would only know when you reach the end of the road and look back and see how far He's brought you. I know that only He can bring me through this. I will have to choose quite soon and by His grace, may I choose wisely and well.

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A New Beginning

I don't know what to say, but I can't continue to keep my silence here. God has really blessed me and has provided me with two special people who have influenced me since my teen years.

Some years ago, my youth pastor resigned under less than ideal circumstances. I didn't like what I heard, but I didn't know what I could do. I do remember that around the time, I jolted awake one night and had the overwhelming urge to pray for her. Today, I look back in thanksgiving because she challenged me to grow spiritually back then.

When I transitioned from high school to university, the pastors seemed to be a part of the transition: from Lorraine to PT. The first person I saw after my feet touched Ontario soil was Pastor Tim (my home church somehow thought that KWCAC had a free shuttle service from the airport to Waterloo and even though they don't, PT still came to pick me up). While their views, interest, and leadership styles are as different as night and day, they do have one thing in common: humility in serving others. Both of them, are to me, more than just pastors. They've become people I've confided in, trust, and respect; they've become friends and mentors, without the official title.

And now, after almost 10 years at KWCAC, I am saddened to see the departure of another exemplary servant of God, also in less than ideal circumstances. I soon realized that his resignation was not one in peace. To this very day, even after much prayer, I still don't know whether pressing for the truth was even right. But after this week's meeting, I sense that we are not the only few that are concerned, and what was said is troubling and confirms some of my unease. I am disappointed at the current leaders and the questionable teachings, and as a result, I can neither serve there nor trust the leadership in its present state. Granted, nobody is perfect and because of this, we need divine intervention. We need a miracle - and your prayers: KWCAC, the church (body) that we know it, is on the verge of collapsing. Nevertheless, God is sovereign; may He help us all.

Community perspectives:
• What has the Church done for you?
• Not a place of nothing
• Heart Removed from the Body

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More on Church Leadership

Found this reference to Titus 1:6-16 on Lincoln Road Chapel's website under its governance area, that can further extend my previous post on church leadership.

An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. Since an overseer is entrusted with God's work, he must be blameless - not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.

For there are many rebellious people, mere talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision group. They must be silenced, because they are ruining whole households by teaching things they ought not to teach - and that for the sake of dishonest gain. Even one of their own prophets has said, "Cretans are always liars, evil brutes, lazy gluttons." This testimony is true. Therefore, rebuke them sharply, so that they will be sound in the faith and will pay no attention to Jewish myths or to the commands of those who reject the truth. To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted. They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good.

On a related note about LRC, Annie mentioned to me that you can listen to their sermons online. Usually, I tend to avoid listening to sermons online but I randomly clicked on one, and it seems to teach the truth: biblical teachings with challenges to apply them.

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Micah 6:8

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

(NIV)

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Leaders of the church

What does your church leadership look like? Do your leaders exhibit the qualities as outlined in various parts of the Bible?

Overseers

In 1 Timothy 3, the NIV footnotes describe an overseer of a church as a bishop. It appears that in our church circles, we tend to extend it to the senior pastor or pastor(s).

Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. Now the overseer must be

• above reproach,
• the husband of but one wife,
• temperate,
• self-controlled,
• respectable,
• hospitable,
• able to teach,
• not given to drunkenness,
• not violent but gentle,
• not quarrelsome,
• not a lover of money.
• He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect.(If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?)
• He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil.
• He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap.

Do/does your pastor(s) exhibit these qualities?

Elders

1 Timothy 5 on Elders:

The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching. For the Scripture says, "Do not muzzle the ox while it is treading out the grain," and "The worker deserves his wages." Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. Those who sin are to be rebuked publicly, so that the others may take warning.

What does muzzling the ox have to do with elders? Is it saying that they are volunteering their time and we should respect them for their hard work?

1 Peter 5:1-4:

To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow elder, a witness of Christ's sufferings and one who also will share in the glory to be revealed: Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.

Deacons and Deaconesses

And, 1 Timothy 3 on Deacons (and Deaconesses):

Deacons, likewise, are to be men

• worthy of respect,
• sincere,
• not indulging in much wine,
• and not pursuing dishonest gain.
• They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience. They must first be tested; and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons.
• A deacon must be the husband of but one wife and must manage his children and his household well.

In the same way, their wives [deaconesses] are to be women

• worthy of respect,
• not malicious talkers
• but temperate
• and trustworthy in everything.

Those who have served well gain an excellent standing and great assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus.

Divisions in the Church

Note to self: study 1 Corinthians 1:10-17 further - what is it saying?

I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. My brothers, some from Chloe's household have informed me that there are quarrels among you. What I mean is this: One of you says, "I follow Paul"; another, "I follow Apollos"; another, "I follow Cephas"; still another, "I follow Christ."

Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Were you baptized into the name of Paul? I am thankful that I did not baptize any of you except Crispus and Gaius, so no one can say that you were baptized into my name. (Yes, I also baptized the household of Stephanas; beyond that, I don't remember if I baptized anyone else.) For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel—not with words of human wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.

For some reason that passage speaks, but I am not ready; my heart is not at peace just yet.

Update: to some of you, please check your inboxes for an email that might be arriving shortly and reply by Friday, December 28, 2007

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Thankful for Miracles

I was telling my friend the other day that I must sound like an ungrateful wench, because sometimes I seem to have trouble thinking of what I am thankful for in that week. Well, I don't think I have that problem this week.

Yesterday morning, I woke up especially early to go to TD Canada Trust and pick up a free $10 gift card. I thought I brought my camera with me (for the Van Halen (RIM Rocks) concert that night) but by the time I got to work, it looked like I had forgotten it at home.

After work, I went home looking for it but it was not to be found: not in my car, not at work, not at my house. I concluded that I probably dropped it like bzhchan; thinking whether it was worth that $10 gift card to lose a $200 camera. I prayed for a miracle.

My friend called the bank yesterday on my behalf, but it didn't seem to hopeful. I called this morning and they said that they would call me if they saw anything, but they didn't. Well, I thought to try and go into the branch anyway because j.w gave me a brilliant idea to ask to review the tapes to see if my camera was even in my purse when I took out my wallet. I looked at the walls and they only seem to have a camera at the entrance of the bank, not at the tellers.

I went to see the service desk anyway, and the lady said, you know what, a lady called...and I anxiously interrupted saying yes, I had called today. To my surprise, she continued and said a lady called to say that someone had put a camera (plus case) on her car when she came out from the gym (I guess in the same plaza). She didn't know whose it was so she called TD to report it.

Wow. Sometimes, I think that if I was in a larger city, the chances of me recovering a camera in this situation is slim to nothing - the camera went through two strangers, who could've easily just taken it; the card was freshly formatted last night, the camera is new (within 1 month) and there was no ID - it would've been an easy finders keepers. Do I ever appreciate what this lady did; I am to meet her daughter tomorrow at another TD to pick it up and thank her in person.

I prayed for a miracle; I got a miracle.

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Gems in the OT

Okay, I admit it. I tend to have a tendency (redundant, yes) to skim over a passage in the Bible whenever I come across a story that is very familiar, or when I have a feeling of deja vu.

I sometimes wonder why the books of the Bible are not laid out chronologically, but then sometimes it makes sense (always in hindsight). Take the time when I read 1 Samuel 31, where Saul takes his life. A few days later, I think I am reading the exact same passage, almost word for word in a different book: 1 Chronicles 10. I was certain I read it somewhere and sometime ago, so I quickly flipped back to compare the two passages.

The author/narrator of 1 Chronicles decides to add an epilogue explaining why Saul died (not because of a battle wound as I was led to believe in 1 Samuel), but rather,

Saul died because he was unfaithful to the LORD; he did not keep the word of the LORD and even consulted a medium for guidance, and did not inquire of the LORD. So the LORD put him to death and turned the kingdom over to David son of Jesse. -1 Chronicles 10:13-14.

These are the gems for me, the "hidden" nuggets of truth contained in each story.

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Falling in Love

A friend writes:

Have you ever watched someone love something or someone so much, that it made you jealous? I do all the time...I see people who love Jesus in such a powerful and genuine way, and I get jealous. It's not fair that you love Jesus more than I do!

As I read that, I realized that it's not a feeling of jealousy I have, it's more a developing feeling of...attraction...I begin to fall in love with a Jesus that I do not know as intimately. Or, am I just confusing it with being attracted to a passion for God? But I think that's helped pinpoint and identify those feelings somewhat, at least in the past - a recipe for danger as I could misconstrue it as oh, this guy has *that* quality! Hrm, hard to express what I'm thinking, but yes, it makes sense to me :).

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God is bigger than the boogey man

What tops your list as a great fear?

As a child, I used to be afraid of monsters or strangers hiding in the basement, house fires and earthquakes, most probably because we had a drill at school every so often on how to escape a fire and how to protect yourself in an earthquake. I still have dreams every so often about fires, and I don't think I ever want to be caught in a big earthquake.

Sometimes, I get a little antsy and experience discomfort in flying, especially when the plane consistently hits deep air pockets and you feel your stomach drop. But, I think the root cause of all these fears is not really related to flying, nor fires or earthquakes per se, but my imagination carries me away - not about death itself (as I have a greater hope), but the method of death (how I die, as mentioned in a previous post). I guess we all wish for a peaceful death; one that is more natural than unnatural (though in Sunday School, we discussed how unnatural death was at the beginning of time), so maybe it's a common fear.

Whether what I am going to describe next is a "fear" or not is up in the air. Go ahead and laugh, but I think I'm also afraid of "people" (environments?). Inexplicably (and it's quite irrational I know because I can't seem to figure out why logically), I feel anxious when I am in front of a big crowd and in the center of attention (though sometimes I mask it well and it's occasion dependent) and when I *have* to be social - that is most likely why I didn't look forward to my baptism (or enjoy), don't look forward to my wedding day (as mentioned in the same previous post), and really find the social time between church service and Sunday school during refreshments to be very awkward. As one friend mentioned, it's like the first day of school all over again - trying to find a group of friends to sit with during lunch hour, so that you can sit with them and eat your lunch. One might think that it's a fear of failure, rejection, or the risk of embarrassing one self, but I can't adequately apply any one of those categories in each situation. That's one reservation I have about the upcoming conference, but I am nevertheless excited, and hope to come out feeling that it was all worth it.

Now that I think about it, maybe it's the fear of the unknown/negative uncertainty that categorizes these "fears". But, I know that God is bigger than (and above) fear - for which I find peace.

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A Post-Modern_ Christmas

As we waited in line for "our turn", I felt like we were waiting in line for a show or a tour, maybe like Storyeum (even though I have never been). Last week's announcement said:

BAC English Christmas Celebration Service 'A Christmas Worship Journey' will take place on next SUNDAY. It is a 45 minutes journey in three rooms that experience the coming of Jesus and ending with celebration. Therefore, all families are encouraged to SIGN UP a time-slot (from 9:30am & every 15 min. ) and attend together.

Seeing that I didn't have a chance to sign up, I just showed up and tagged along with the last group. Conclusion? It was very different, and it felt like I was watching more than participating. The first room had music with a slideshow of words, which were very difficult to focus on as a veil hung down from the ceiling, covering the screen and everyone behind it - there was little spoken. I think the first room focused on the prequel to Jesus' birth and the time in between the Old and the New Testaments. The second section spoke of the wise men (and the homeless, which paralleled with shepherds of the day). And, the third had upbeat Christmas songs, celebrating Christ's birth (my cousin complained that it was loud, and it was, but I think kids' eardrums are more sensitive as well). I think I prefer a "normal" Sunday Service, even though it was quite creative.

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Comment Spammers and Evangelism

So, I fell for the whole "sign up for a free book" when I saw the first comment on various people's blogs, because the comment actually looked rather authentic (as some of them seem to have tied in to the actual post). Early this week, the book "Revolution in World Missions" arrived in my mailbox, so that part of the comments is legit. However, I did mention to my housemate that I fell for this "scam".

Apparently, this book was distributed at Urbana and at the yearly mission conferences. My housemate picked one up at a mission conference in Vancouver, but they kept sending her mail. She had to call them to request that she be removed from their mailing list. Sad to say, I'm not impressed at how this organization chooses to "spread" their mission. If they are affiliated with Christianity, is this a effective approach to go about telling others about Christ? I'm sadden to see that people are resorting to using comment spam. The comments say, "racism directed at Asian Christians by Caucasian Christians", but from the pieces I've read thus far, it almost sounds like the opposite; that is, native missionaries are encouraged because "anti-American prejudice is still running high in most of Asia...but these truths must be said if we are to accomplish the will of God in the Asian mission fields today" (Yohannan 157).

I guess I will have a fuller picture once I get a chance to read through the book.

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Knight in Shining Armour

The Sacred Romance, The Journey of Desire – they are titles that sound like topics on relationships. And, they are. They are two books that I've read focusing on a love relationship between God and you (by you, I mean me too). I really enjoyed reading those books, and was deeply saddened to find out that John Eldredge’s co-author and friend, Brent Curtis died from a climbing accident shortly after the first book was published. Unfortunately, I don’t have these books anymore as a friend of mine lent it out to his friends and I never saw the books again.

But because of those two books, when I saw another title by John Eldredge in BAC’s library, I never gave it another thought and promptly borrowed it. Labelled as being fiction and filed under that section, I fully expected Wild at Heart to be a novel, but was I in for a surprise.

As a female, I don’t tend to pick-up books that are written with a male audience in mind. Yet, I wholeheartedly recommend Wild at Heart along with Stephen Arterburn’s Every Man's Battle (to both genders). While the latter deals with “Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time” (a man’s struggle with pornography for example), this one dwells more into the psyche of a man's character (what makes a man, a man) or as the cover says, "Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul”. Eldredge seems to suggest the sense of danger and adventure in a man is innate, that God made him that way. It’s also nice to know that there are still some knights out there who want to valiantly rescue a beautiful maiden. By the way, it’s far from being fiction, although some would beg to differ.

If you’re interested in finding out more about Eldredge’s views on this or if the ladies are trying to understand the gents a little more, be sure to sign it out from the church library. Hopefully, my friend, who based some of his Sunday school lessons in the past term on Wild at Heart, has returned it already.

Written for TalkBAC, August 2004

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Literature

Thoughts of late:

November. November, so soon? Finding flights for the Christmas holidays is proving to be very difficult this year. $800 round trip? I might as well just fly to London for $400 or to Florida for the same price.

Hebrew. Every time I try teaching (Sunday School), I bring it upon myself to teach something interesting to me and hopefully, interesting (and new) for my students. I'm usually quite stumped at what to teach them, but thankfully, I usually find inspiration right before the term begins. This term's theme is literature and the Bible. On the first week, I decided to do a lesson on poetry - focusing on parallelism and construction as common elements of Hebrew poetry. What a challenge; I consulted the one Hebrew "expert" I know (though a second might be one quite soon) on a question I had. Turns out, the English (New International Version) Bible contains Hebrew letters! One can learn the entire Hebrew alphabet (in order) in one chapter. I've seen these weird symbols before, but I've never realised the meaning of them and why there were there (each verse in that section begins with that letter of the alphabet) until now.

Books and Men. Maybe it's the postmodernist in me, but I think that media, though may not be 100% theologically sound or interpreted correctly (Veggie Tales comes to my mind), can be used as a tool for people to find out more about God and His relationship with man(kind). I think the key is not to absorb everything you read, but to read critically (as taught in my English course). One such book would be Wild At Heart by John Eldredge. Maybe Wild At Heart doesn't quite use Scripture correctly, but I know I too am often guilty of misquoting scripture, especially on a blog post - and that's where you need to be able to read critically.

When I first read the book, I found the book to be interesting, as it presented some ideas not commonly promoted in the church, but not necessarily new either. I think the author was trying to reconcile the whole manhood with the stereotype that Christian guys are "nice" (I can't really describe it in words, but I have the image right in my head and people who fit this image). Maybe it's the romantic (or what's left of one) in me, to think yes, this is a refreshing analysis of the psyche and hope to find Christian men like this. But, at the same time, we want guys who are "nice" as well - can there be a good equilibrium? I suppose that is what those harlequin romance novels are all about (which I avoid reading). Like a friend said (and as I've mentioned many posts ago), while girls (whether Christian or not) might be attracted to "dangerous" guys, in the end, we just settle for someone quite the opposite.

On a related note, what is falling in love? I can see it's easy to "fall in lust" but how does one know whether one has "fallen in love"?

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Freeedom

A warm sunny day welcomes the youngster, with her pigtails flying behind as she sprints across the gravelled field and leaps into the seat of a plastic swing. Amongst the others - the slides, the teeter-totter, and the monkey bars – the swings are her favourite adventure on the playground. The swing takes her beyond the clouds of the earth.

At the top, she sees the flight of the gulls and the ravens flying free and she sees her reflection in their beaded eyes, in her memory past. Their echoes call to her; taunts that tell her the chains on the swing keep her from being truly free. And yet, she has faith that "…those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31). She trusts Him; the hands of her Father keep her from falling, keeping her secure while lifting her above the white clouds of the blue sky. Her Father stands behind her, taking her to the level of the eagles, higher than the gulls and the ravens that she sees.

As the swing climbs higher with each pendulum motion, the young girl, my spirit, soars to endless limits. On this swing, with the push of my Father’s outstretched arms, I am able to reach unfathomable possibilities.

Written for TalkBAC, June 2004

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Know Fear

Imagine being among the crowd, waiting in eager anticipation to hear from the scouts that were sent by Moses to scope out Canaan, the land promised by God. Can you feel the excitement in the air, the buzz of whispers speaking of their return? Soon, you see their silhouettes, their shadows cast by the brightness of the sun. A hush falls on the crowd, expectant of news.

They presented themselves before Moses and Aaron and the whole congregation of the People of Israel in the Wilderness of Paran at Kadesh. They reported to the whole congregation and showed them the fruit of the land. Then they told the story of their trip:

"We went to the land to which you sent us and, oh! It does flow with milk and honey! Just look at this fruit! The only thing is that the people who live there are fierce, their cities are huge and well fortified. Worse yet, we saw descendants of the giant Anak. Amalekites are spread out in the Negev; Hittites, Jebusites, and Amorites hold the hill country; and the Canaanites are established on the Mediterranean Sea and along the Jordan.

Caleb interrupted, called for silence before Moses and said, "Let's go up and take the land--now. We can do it."

But the others said, "We can't attack those people; they're way stronger than we are." They spread scary rumors among the People of Israel. They said, "We scouted out the land from one end to the other--it's a land that swallows people whole. Everybody we saw was huge. Why, we even saw the Nephilim giants (the Anak giants come from the Nephilim). Alongside them we felt like grasshoppers. And they looked down on us as if we were grasshoppers."

Joshua son of Nun and Caleb son of Jephunneh, members of the scouting party, ripped their clothes and addressed the assembled People of Israel: "The land we walked through and scouted out is a very good land--very good indeed. If GOD is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land that flows, as they say, with milk and honey. And he'll give it to us. Just don't rebel against GOD! And don't be afraid of those people. Why, we'll have them for lunch! They have no protection and GOD is on our side. Don't be afraid of them!"

But, up in arms now, the entire community was talking of hurling stones at them.

(Numbers 13:26-30, 14:6-10, The Message)

What happened? The land was flowing of milk and honey – they even brought back the fruits of the land to show everyone: it was not manna! Yet, fear quickly spread like a bushfire among the people which consumed any remainder of faith in Yahweh, who had always provided for them.

President F. Roosevelt once wisely remarked, "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself." For me, I know that to be true. Fear carries my imagination far, far away and sometimes even hides behind the mask commonly known as worry. Maggots become huge squishy worms that don’t die (even though I know I am bigger than them), roller coasters and the echoing screams make them look bigger and worse than they are (they’re fun!), and snowboarding down an unfamiliar run makes me wary of falling off a cliff again (but without going down once, I would never know what is ahead). If I have little faith in small challenges, where will my faith be in big ones?

Junior Asparagus, in the Veggies Tales video Where's God When I'm S-Scared? aptly sings, "God is bigger than the boogey man, He's bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on TV. Oh God is bigger than the boogey man, and He's watching out for you and me."

I know that conquering fear does not mean I should pay no heed to caution, but when I know that God has paved a way for me, perhaps in the areas of service or ministry, fear should not have a place.

God prepared the Promise Land for the Israelites, but they ended up not being able to claim it as theirs (in later attempts to enter by force, their efforts were, of course, futile).

The LORD replied,

I have forgiven them, as you asked. Nevertheless, as surely as I live and as surely as the glory of the LORD fills the whole earth, not one of the men who saw my glory and the miraculous signs I performed in Egypt and in the desert but who disobeyed me and tested me ten times- 23 not one of them will ever see the land I promised on oath to their forefathers. No one who has treated me with contempt will ever see it. 24 But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it.

(Numbers 14: 20-24, The Message)

Does fear interfere with doing God’s will? Are we withholding ourselves from blessings and promises from Him when we hold back because of fear? What happened on the outskirts of Canaan serves to be a good reminder for me to step out and trust God in all I do.

Written for TalkBAC, October 2005

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Layers

Do you ever find yourself putting on layers? No, not layers of fat or clothing, but layers to hide our true identities. I know I do. I would even venture to say that we all do.

Perhaps we mask our age, our feelings, or even our selfishness. Even though I don't feel like I'm an "adult" (whatever that means), I cannot deny the truth of my age and my body is slowly telling me the same. The world tells us to hide our age by applying make-up, to mask personal and martial problems - both to save "face".

If you look ever so carefully at my blue bathroom walls, you can see the ugly pink that is creeping through the chips, cracks and edges. Whomever painted the walls did so in haste, slopping the paint on top of the existing coat. In the process of this discovery, I thought about people. I thought about the ugly stuff in my life and how I mask them, much like paint or make-up, letting the world think that I'm okay.

But, like the pink paint, the ugliness does surface in certain spots, at certain times. When that happens, I cling to the hope of 2 Corinthians 5:17, where it says:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

I can't always hide, for I know Someone who can spot the pink paint without having to look very closely but I know that the same person can strip the pink first before giving a fresh coat of blue.

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Passion. Fruit.

A shirt tagline says, "passion. fruit." Like many exotic fruits, one of my favourite fruits is passion fruit. Does the name entice the fruit lover, suggesting a fruit full of passion? Perhaps this could be one reason why I like this fruit so much.

I am currently reading Blue Like Jazz. The author of this book reminds me of a friend I know. The author shares with us his passions and shrugs off the unimportant things. And this friend I know, often lives out the shirt's tagline (and doesn't care for the unimportant either). My friend's passions results in much fruit. I suppose misdirected passion could result in bad fruit, but in this case, good passion returns good fruit that others can partake. For instance, God used his compassion to reach orphaned children and teens in our postmodern world. His passion for music was fruitful as it undoubtedly is helping him on his journey to find and live out his calling.

While I believe that our passions often originate from our creator, one doesn't necessary have to believe in a creator to feel these passions. Another friend of mine doesn't, but she has a passion for ideas (whether they come to life is another story) resulting in a outpouring of business strategies and potential products. People often see and feel her energy.

Some may scoff at our passions, our dreams, but if it results in (good) fruit, then maybe investing in them is a good idea so that the harvest can be shared. This makes me wonder, what and where is my passion? Where is my fruit? What is your passion? What is your fruit? Maybe if someone says that you're a fruit, you can try looking at it from this angle :).

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Christian Devotionals

The other day, while paying for my purchases at a relatively new Christian bookstore across the street from NTCBC, a book titled, "The Lord is Near 2006" caught my eye. First thought that came to mind was, "sounds like something a Jehovah's Witness might say, but at least it says that Lord is near as opposed to here". The lady told me to take a copy since it was free so I did, as it looked like a devotional.

On my journey to Alberta, I thumbed through the pages, curious as to what the daily articles were about. First, I noted that they used J.N. Darby's translation of the Bible, a less commonly known translation for me. In fact, I've never heard of it, until then (and now, tonight, as I google who J.N. Darby was). After reading one or two pages, I'm not sure if it's the translation now that I'm skeptical of, or the entire publication of this book itself. A few entries left me scratching my head, which makes me wonder whether I'm just misinterpreting the message. For example, the August 30 entry starts with an excerpt from the book of Ruth:

Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, Go, return each to her mother’s house. Jehovah deal kindly with you...Jehovah grant you that ye may find rest...And she kissed them; and they lifted up their voice and wept. And they said to her, We will certainly return with thee to thy people. And Naomi said, Return, my daughters: why will ye go with me?" (Ruth 1:8-11)

The commentary then proceeds to state this, "Naomi was the very picture of some crooked, cross-grained people, who have no expectation of other people being saved; it is enough for them to know they are saved themselves." I am not sure why that doesn't sit right with me, but maybe it's because I haven't ever considered Naomi as being intentionally "crooked".

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Religion, Tradition, and Discipline

What is "being religious"? I read a blog entry about religion today which prompted me to write about what's been on my mind for awhile now.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend over dinner about traditions. One of the questions that came forth was, "are traditions good?" My first instinctive reply was a yes even though his was no, as his nature is to break all traditions. Why would I say yes? While the repeated action can be mundane and make one forget why it is done in the first place, the habit of repeating an action can also be beneficial. For instance, if I don't like flossing but I floss every day, on the days I do not floss, I will feel a little imbalanced. Of course, flossing every day also leads to better dental hygenie. Or, if I am into the habit of attending church, the routine pushes me to keep going. Once a routine is broken, the discipline to continue again is often a challenge. The regularity of tradition, in this way, keeps me on track and to remember why we do the things we do.

Dallas Willard, in the book The Spirit of the Disciplines outlines why disciplines are important in the Christian walk, echoing the words of Apostle Paul in the New Testament. One common analogy is to look at the athlete. Why does an athlete compete so well? Apart from natural talent, most, if not all athletes train rigourously behind the scenes. We, as the audience, may not see the time spent on preparing but we see the results.

But are habits the same as traditions? Are traditions the same as disciplines? The conversation I had with my friend seemed to be interchangable. What about religion? Does holding traditions or disciplines mean the same as being religious?

CS Lewis, in Mere Christianity seem to sum it up very nicely by saying,

...people are often worried. They are told they ought to love God. They cannot find any such feeling in themselves. What are they to do? Do not sit trying to manufacture feelings. Ask yourself, 'If I were sure that I loved God, what would I do?' When you have found the answer, go and do it.

Are we stuck on traditions for the sake of tradition or do they mean more?

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Spreading the Good News

A few weekends ago, we stumbled upon Adventure Guide's bi-annual membership sale (75% off selected products with a lifetime membership of $10). After purchasing 3 pairs of Merrell shoes for approximately $100 total, I told a few friends the next day and they spent a total of $400+ in purchases (75% off is a crazy sale!).

Pause.

A moment of epiphany: I was excitedly spreading the good news and sharing what I had found.

That is when I hesitated. Why was it so easy to tell others of this sale event but our attitudes to sharing the ultimate Good News is not one like that? I thought, maybe a common understanding existed between those I told (that they like sales, or outdoor gear?). Yet, I noticed that while there were those who bought much, some made only small purchases and still some came out with empty handed. Is it because the Good News is more personal to us than say, a sale event is? Our fear that rejecting the Good News would mean a personal rejection? I don't know.

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Comfort Zone

A few of us were discussing about being courageous for God, and one statement that many seemed to agree upon was the idea that Christians were not meant to be comfortable in this world. True, John 16:33 says, "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." (NASB) but, then I look around me and think, I am living in comfort. We are told to live in this world but to not be of this world. Sure, I struggle through challenges but in comparison to others, this is a life of luxury; I am blessed with His grace. Is that wrong? Do we need to always be popping the bubbles in the bubble wrap?

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God

One afternoon, over a bowl of phò, a friend (trying to understand the significance of life) asked me point blank, "How do you know that God is real?"

I remember pausing in the middle of my chewing and thinking, how do I know? How do I reconcile my beliefs with reality? For those that believe in God, how do you know? From what I shared with him, I think the most compelling evidence for me is how people change (their nature, attitudes, etc.) and the small miracles that happen in their lives, that is otherwise unexplainable or too much of a coincidence to be called one.

With that being said, I have a hard time grasping the concept of receiving a heavenly reward - as many have alluded to getting a reward, a crown, or be judged according to our deeds. If heaven is as what John writes about in the book of Revelation, then why would we even care about how much of a reward we get?

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2000-2001: Year Three

CCF and me.

Hearing the voice of God and following His will is never easy, at least not for me. Most of the time, it’s not even about obedience, but rather, I struggle with the first part--listening and being able to recognise the voice of God. Maybe I’m a literalist, and if so, I admit that I am not able to discern the will of God through a still small voice, unlike Samuel in the Bible. I thought I was different because I remember in my high school fellowship one year, a speaker distinctly told us that she literally heard God’s voice calling her to serve at YWAM (Youth With A Mission), a Christian organisation that has a focus in inner-city missions. I could not identify with her, for God definitely did not speak to me in that way. Many times, I just figured that my spiritual walk was not mature enough even though I saw God at work through other means. However, I must say, I do believe that God works through my life, in the lives of others, and through different circumstances, to show me what I need to do to follow and glorify Him.

So if you ask me why I’m serving on CCF (Chinese Christian Fellowship) committee this term, I would not be able to give you a solid answer. I cannot say that I heard God’s voice because I don’t "hear" His voice. I cannot say I was called either, because I was not convicted and my conscience has not been nagging me for saying "no" since the end of my 1B term. I wasn’t dying to serve on committee either. If you have not already noticed, I’m not a very vocal person, especially in large groups. Apparently, I’m a task-structured person, which explains why I don’t exactly like sharing about myself because I don’t know what to say unless I’m answering a series of questions. Unfortunately, when sharing, there are no questions to answer. I also remember that the girls in previous committees were so passionate that they would cry during their sharing. Don’t get me wrong, crying is okay and it doesn’t show signs of weakness, but I just hope I don’t do that. Anyway, onto my sharing . . .

How then did I end up on committee if I didn't feel a strong calling from God? For some odd reason, I had a feeling that I most likely would be asked one day to serve on committee even before I came to Waterloo. Why? Before heading out to Waterloo, my mother cautioned me against saying "yes" to committee too quickly for fear of falling behind in my studies. She seem to have known that I was likely to be involved in a fellowship, perhaps because she saw how much time was spent as a committee member for 2 years in my youth fellowship.

In my last year of high school, I decided to further explore CCF at Waterloo by finding their site online and e-mailing them a series of questions. I was all ready to go to a Chinese speaking fellowship when Dylan surprised me by saying that CCF is held in English and less than half of the people were even Chinese speaking! Ironically and amusingly, when I later met Dylan face to face, I realised that he didn’t even know much Chinese in the first place.

I was slightly disappointed at the fact that CCF wasn’t as Chinese as I expected. Even though I am a "jok-sing", as people like to term us CBCs, I was ready to try another Chinese fellowship. I was encouraged to see Sandra lead some praise and worship songs at the NSR Dinner (perhaps even Praise and Worship night too) in Chinese and with the English "pinyin" underneath. I was very impressed :). To also learn that at one point CCF was led entirely in Chinese and the ratio of Chinese speaking to the English speaking was almost exponentially declining every year, was saddening especially since I saw more and more people speak Chinese around campus. Additionally, an exchange student from Hong Kong shared with us his experience with CCF, which impacted and challenged the ones that were left to carry on his vision once he returned home. Perhaps that is why I have always felt the burden to reach out to the Cantonese or even Mandarin-speaking, even to the point where I offered to lead a mixed English/Mandarin-speaking cell group in my 3A term. Yes, even though, "wo de guo yu bu hao; wo bu ke yi jiang, ye dou bu dong."

I felt at home in CCF even in my first term. Although I must admit that I had trouble making friends that were my own age group, the people I got to know really influenced me. Most of them who had touched my life have already graduated and I am encouraged at what they have left behind, or what they still see in CCF. I glance back into time, and realise that it is through cell groups that I have learned the most. That is why cell groups are also very important to me. There were days that I only had fun and did not learn anything spiritual, but I learned from the people in the cell groups. They taught me a lot, especially through life example (okay, for life example, maybe excluding Carey in certain cases . . . well, maybe what not to do). These people influenced my ways of thinking, and how I act today. If they did not pay any attention to young frosh like myself, I may not have continued to attend CCF. I may have listened to a certain campus fellowship that regarded CCF as being less important because they saw that reaching out to Chinese was merely reaching out to a tiny portion of the bigger picture. But, I’m glad I didn’t. I’m glad I saw the importance of reaching out to people of the Chinese culture and that CCF took care to look after the frosh.

Although I did not get a distinct calling to serve on committee, nor had a choice on what position to take, I can say that my experience on committee thus far, has definitely been worthwhile. My first impression of serving in committee was meetings, meetings, and more meetings, especially in the first couple of weeks. Interestingly enough, Dylan said that meetings were one of his favourite pastimes. I thought that he was crazy. Well, I’m not so sure myself anymore. He still may be crazy, but I have to agree that meetings are similar to cell groups in itself and are very much enjoyable, especially prayer meetings. We share so much with each other, including laughter and Dill’s crisis of the week, and Pork’s (ahem, Abe’s) super long prayer requests :P . I learn a lot from these people and by serving on committee, I also see the fervour in encouraging other CCF members to be actively involved with campus ministry. I see "vision" being lived out.

The term vision has been overused since my first year, but at least I understand what the difference between purpose, vision, and mission of CCF now. I realise (with the help of Peter Lau) that the vision of CCF is the big picture of what God wants us to accomplish to advance his kingdom, the mission is the objective(s) set to help fulfill the vision, and finally, the purpose is why CCF exists. With those definitions, I can place evangelism under vision with certainty and short and long-term goals (programs, active ministries, etc.) with mission. Why CCF exists? Well, I would say it would ultimately be to carry out the Great Commission as set out by Jesus in Matthew 28:19-20. Additionally, I would say that because we are the Chinese Christian Fellowship, we are set apart from the rest of the fellowships because we have our roots in the Chinese heritage and therefore, we are the key to reach the Chinese--be it Mandarin or Cantonese-speaking, or even the CBCs! I don’t feel as hopeless or as helpless as I did in first year, and I can better support the fellowship because I understand where CCF is going, or at least trying to go. Most importantly, I see what steps CCF will take to continue to reach out to those on campus.

Back to the question, so after all this has been said, why am I on committee? Well, like I have previously said I have no "real" reason. My only reason is because I ran out of excuses. Last term I promised God that if my marks turned out well in my first term in English, I would say "yes" to anyone who asked me to serve on committee. With God’s sense of humour, He gave me the highest average that I have ever seen on my transcript in my university career. I’m thankful for my marks and because of what I promised before, how could I say "no" when Dill asked me? So that’s my tale.

NB. Most references to "Chinese" refers to the Cantonese dialect.
Want to learn more? CCF and AFC (Ambassadors for Christ)

(Winter 2001)

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Vision for Cantonese Ministry

Overview of My Vision for CCF's Cantonese Ministry

I was slightly disappointed at the fact that CCF wasn't as Chinese as I expected. Even though I am a "jook-sing", as people like to term us CBCs, I was ready to try another Chinese fellowship. I was encouraged to see Sandra lead some praise and worship songs at the NSR Dinner (perhaps even Praise and Worship night too) in Chinese and with the English "pinyin" underneath. I was very impressed :). To also learn that at one point CCF was led entirely in Chinese and the ratio of Chinese speaking to the English speaking was almost exponentially declining every year, was saddening especially since I saw more and more people speak Chinese around campus. Additionally, an exchange student from Hong Kong shared with us his experience with CCF (included at the end of this sharing), which impacted and challenged the ones that were left to carry on his vision once he returned home. Perhaps that is why I have always felt the burden to reach out to the Cantonese or even Mandarin-speaking, even to the point where I offered to lead a mixed English/Mandarin-speaking cell group in my 3A term. Yes, even though, "wo de guo yu bu hao; wo bu ke yi jiang, ye dou bu dong" (that says in pinyin: "My Mandarin isn't good; I can't speak it, and don't understand it.").

I felt at home in CCF even in my first term. Although I must admit that I had trouble making friends that were my own age group, the people I got to know really influenced me. Most of them who had touched my life have already graduated and I am encouraged at what they have left behind, or what they still see in CCF. I glance back into time, and realise that it is through cell groups that I have learned the most. That is why cell groups are also very important to me. There were days that I only had fun and did not learn anything spiritual, but I learned from the people in the cell groups. They taught me a lot, especially through life example (okay, for life example, maybe excluding Carey in certain cases . . . well, maybe what not to do). These people influenced my ways of thinking, and how I act today. If they did not pay any attention to young frosh like myself, I may not have continued to attend CCF. I may have listened to a certain campus fellowship that regarded CCF as being less important because they saw that reaching out to Chinese was merely reaching out to a tiny portion of the bigger picture. But, I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad I saw the importance of reaching out to people of the Chinese culture and that CCF took care to look after the frosh.

The term vision has been overused since my first year, but at least I understand what the difference between purpose, vision, and mission of CCF now. I realise (with the help of Peter Lau) that the vision of CCF is the big picture of what God wants us to accomplish to advance his kingdom, the mission is the objective(s) set to help fulfill the vision, and finally, the purpose is why CCF exists. With those definitions, I can place evangelism under vision with certainty and short and long-term goals (programs, active ministries, etc.) with mission. Why CCF exists? Well, I would say it would ultimately be to carry out the Great Commission as set out by Jesus in Matthew 28:19-20. Additionally, I would say that because we are the Chinese Christian Fellowship, we are set apart from the rest of the fellowships because we have our roots in the Chinese heritage and therefore, we are the key to reach the Chinese--be it Mandarin or Cantonese-speaking, or even the CBCs! I don't feel as hopeless or as helpless as I did in first year, and I can better support the fellowship because I understand where CCF is going, or at least trying to go. Most importantly, I see what steps CCF will take to continue to reach out to those on campus.

The above was from past reflections from my time at CCF. From my first year until now, the only cell groups that I have been in are the Chinese speaking or "mixed" Chinese/English ones. Each term and year, whether in cell groups, amongst the more "inclined to be Chinese speaking" brothers and sisters, or in General Leadership meetings, there has been talk of action (i.e. all talk, no action) in the Chinese ministry. I believe that Pork (Abraham) actively tried to implement something last year as he was a core committee member, but much of our efforts fail often because of the culture clash between language, styles of worship, etc. between the Chinese-speaking and the CBCs. In one Insight article (which I include here), Carey (CCF alumni) tries to illustrate the differences between the two cultures and attempts to bridge the cultural gap.

Fast forward to the present, as this ministry is separate from the English-speaking side of CCF, we can solidify our vision in a more feasible manner. I see our current meeting group as a group for prayer, planning and growth. I believe that prior to reaching outward, we need to reach inward. We need to be able to establish a group of brothers and sisters who are unified with one vision and share a common goal whether it is to serve in the English, Cantonese, or the Mandarin side of campus ministry. I feel that the 3 sub-fellowships will work, but it will need much prayer and commitment from willing hearts. I pray that this term's efforts will be fruitful, and not be passively disappointing once again (i.e. all talk, no action).

-March 12, 2002-

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Serving as a Devotional Leader

Serving on CCF Committee for Winter 2001 as a co-Devotional Leader
As seen by BP

Responsibilities

Please refer to the following for detailed description of the duties and responsibilities of a Devotional Leader (hereon in referred to as DL):

• CCF Handbook (http://www.impressionx.com/ccf/docs/CCF_Handbook_DL.doc)
• CCF Constitution (http://www.ccfweb.net/uw/constitution.aspx#Section2)
• Winnie's feedback on being DL (http://www.impressionx.com/ccf/docs/Review_Winnie.doc
• Abraham's feedback on being DL/serving CCF (http://www.impression.com/xalt/ccf.html).

Reflection

Things that went well:

• Co-leader/DL
  Unlike many other terms, there were 2 DLs serving on the committee. For myself, that could mean one of two things: that I could slack off in my duties, or have my load lightened with a co-leader. Fortunately, I still felt the need to do my part, so I didn't slack off even though I needed to focus on my academics even more. The co-leader really helped me maintain a balance between my academics and committee work.
• i>Cell-Group Co-ordinator
  A willing heart allowed the DLs to focus on the Bible Study ministry more. Instead of serving on committee, this person volunteered his time to co-ordinate cell groups and periodically obtained feedback from each cell group (leader).
• Frosh Cell-Group
  Even though the frosh cell-group should not be an individual point/bullet, the first frosh cell-group sprouted in Fall 2000 and continued on into the Winter term. From what I saw, this cell-group really provided the support and place for the frosh to bond with each other as well as develop their leadership skills.
• Prayer and Pre-studies
  Prayer was the glue to everything! Without weekly prayer, we would not have seen the amount of Bible Study Leaders (BSLs) that showed up to the pre-studies. Furthermore, 2 timeslots for pre-studies (i.e. 2 pre-studies in one week) allowed BSLs to show up to the one that was more flexible for them.
• Meetings
  Weekly committee prayer and planning meetings helped the committee stay focused in allowing accountability, short-term planning, and follow-up on feedback from different members of CCF. General meetings (where all members of CCF were welcomed to attend) allowed the committee to see members' visions, ideas, and suggestions for the CCF term.
• Feedback
  The DLs asked the BSLs each time they led a Bible Study for some feedback on the topic, the dynamics of the group, etc., which allowed follow-up and response in how future Bible Studies were planned.

Response

Tips and Suggestions:

• Personal Devotional Life
  Your devotional life will reflect to others, in your effort and work in serving on committee. A strong or consistent devotional life makes serving much more enjoyable and easier.
• Focus
  To have the most effective term, a good idea is to establish a focus at the start of the term. In the Bible Study ministry: to plan a focus and even perhaps a theme. For example, in the previous term, our Bible Studies had an evangelistic focus-targeted for seekers.
• Serving in CCF
  The committee should encourage that serving in CCF ministries is a privilege and honour for those who are Christians (in some cases in the past academic year, non-Christians wanted to serve as BSLs or successfully served on the worship team and lead Christians and non-Christians alike to God). DLs should especially focus on the Bible Study and Cell-Group leaders and to pair-up new or inexperienced/unconfident leaders with experienced ones.
• Training
  Leadership workshops and training for BSLs and other ministries (e.g. IBS) would serve to be effective for CCF as a whole. AFC/GTO (or the post-graduate organization) is willing to help if you ask them.
• Accountability
  Accountability with each committee member and the fellowship as a whole provides a network of support and spiritual bonding. For myself, I needed to improve in committing to pray for each committee member on a regular basis and for the fellowship aside from the regular committee prayer meetings or merely on occasion. Aside from prayer, another way to keep each other accountable is to provide and promote a Bible-reading plan or Christian reading materials-one that previous terms' committee successfully established but our committee didn't really maintain/promote.
• Communication
  Communication with the rest of the committee members and for any necessary CCF members/leaders is crucial in establishing an organised and well-planned term.

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Double Cohort

GTO Panel Questions @ Campus Challenge 2001

MC: Gabriel Chan

Speaker: Eric Fong

Panellist: Me (Undergraduate student)
Natalie Wong (Graduate Student)
Stan Hung (CCF Leader/ New Grad)

Incomplete Transcript

What is your name and please tell everyone a little bit about yourself (i.e. background about what you are doing now; school, GCN, teaching, etc)?

Me: Hi. This is actually my first year at Campus Challenge because I normally go home every year. I am originally from Vancouver, BC but I am currently working in Ottawa for the summer. In September, I will be entering my 4th year as an undergraduate student at the University of Waterloo. As much as I would like to say that I am studying CS or Engineering or something that Waterloo is known for, I am not. I'm actually majoring in English by choice. =)

Nat: My name is Natalie Wong. I am currently a grad student at UT. My current field of studies is in Electrical Engineering. This is my first year at UT. I previously completed my undergrad program at U. Waterloo.

I have accepted Christ right before entering university. Throughout my undergrad years, I have been serving in Waterloo CCF (in cell groups, IBS groups, in the committee, etc.) God has revealed himself most to me during these years, which has ultimately shaped my life as an individual. I believe that the years we spend in university is the most crucial turning point in our life journey. At the same time, the campus setting is truly unique, where students are most exposed to higher learning and a broader worldview. Some say that university life prepares you for the real world. In actual fact, the university life is the real world. In this type of setting, it is so important for us, as Chinese Christian students, to integrate our faith into our studies, to live out our Christian lives, and to bring forth Christ's love on campus where there is such a need.

What changes have you been observing about your respective campuses recently?

Me: Well, first there are visual changes that make it obvious that the university is slowly expanding. If you walk around our campus, you see that many buildings are either renovating or expanding. New classrooms and offices are implemented and new buildings for classes or other student/campus services are being constructed as well. Even the School of Architecture is relocating to a new building in Cambridge in 2003.

Another clue that the university population is growing is the number of new buildings that are designated to be residences for frosh only. I think that UW realises that many universities in Ontario are guaranteeing residence for the frosh, so they need to be just as competitive. Last year, they had one new building, but in the coming years, they plan to have at least 3 more.

There are also less obvious changes. Even though my program has next to zero Chinese-speaking students, I notice that there is an influx of graduate students that are from Mainland China, the increase of number of campus clubs, growth in attendance in fellowship and local churches. Additionally, in the UW daily info, the bulletin often announces special talks with guest speakers that talk about the "double cohort" issue.

Changes in technology seem to be implemented including the ability to allow students to check their marks online (instead of just relying through the mail) beginning the Fall term, the Faculty of Arts will also be using percentages to determine final grades instead of placing students in a range of letters, and students are able to choose their own timetable now (including view a list of professors who are teaching in the next term).

Nat: As a grad student, I am constantly interacting with many other grad students in electrical engineering. One of the trends that I've noticed about the campus is that there are a lot of international students - both in the graduate level and the undergrad level. In general, many of them come from Mainland China and Hong Kong, and also from Muslim countries such as Iran, Pakistan, and India. They come to Canada under as a VISA student, and most of them are actually quite mature in age. Many of them have their own families with them (i.e. Spouse and children). And definitely, these grad students are highly intellectual people.

Another thing that I notice about my campus is that there has been a lack of faculty members. One reason for this is because a large number of professors are at an age of retirement. Another reason that is occurring is that many engineering professors are "starting-up" their own companies, and patenting their own research ideas. As a result of this, a lack of faculty members trickles down to many uncertainties.

In a way, the double cohort situation brings forth a great deal of anxiety to the high school students, as well as to the Ontario universities. Will there be quality educators to teach them? How will they be able to excel in their studies in such a competitive environment? What kind of career path will this lead them to? These are some of the questions that would arise.

More and more professors are relying on their grad students to teach the course materials. Interestingly enough, grad students are regarded as part of the faculty. And therefore, due to the large increase in university enrolment, the Ontario universities have been trying to lobby the government to increase funding to attract intellectual grad students from all over the world, and hopefully, to hire new faculty educators. As our UT President, Robert Birgeneau says, research universities are the prime source of the qualified researchers and teachers who people our nation's research, educational and industrial enterprise."

Overall, the double cohort issue isn't simply an issue that is affecting the undergraduate level.

As an undergraduate student, who may see the large influx of students, what do all this issues mean to you? How do you see your role fit in the changing university campuses?

Me: Because I only have approximately 1.5 years left as an undergrad student, I won't be immediately and directly affected by any changes that might occur in 2003. However, it doesn't mean that I can be passive now because I can only imagine how many challenges are ahead. As a high school graduate, it was already difficult enough to apply to any program in Waterloo because of its good reputation and various programs. I remember that back then, students need a 95% Grade 12 GPA just to be considered for Computer Engineering or CS at Waterloo, along with a high score in the Descartes math contest. I can see that eventually, due to the mass number of students applying to Ontario universities in 2003, many universities may withdraw their offers of scholarships, or they will offer it only to the top 5% of the class, which would mean that as an student, there will be more academic competition, and increasing pressure to excel.

To keep a limit, UW has set a max increase of 15% in 2003, and plans to balance the influx of students in 2004. Teachers of Ontario high schools are even encouraging their students to stay behind an extra year for the optional OAC. However, even if there was not an influx of students at UW, I have noticed a trend that many high school seniors are entering universities immediately after graduation instead of taking time off to work or transferring credits from college-most likely because of the increasing demand of degrees from various companies. Other universities are also affected by the "double cohort"-even universities outside of Ontario. A university in New Brunswick anticipates to accept more students in 2003, so they are already beginning to expand their building as well.

As a student, my primary role on campus is to be a student, focusing on my academics. However, as a Christian on a changing campus, it would be a greater challenge to reach out because there will a greater need to bring the lost to Christ. Now would be the time to start as the student after us will be following in our footsteps. I now realise how much easier it is to reach out as a student than as in the career field. In Vancouver, I have friends from my days in high school who are non-Christians, but in Ottawa, I have yet to meet someone who is unchurched aside from my co-workers, who are more mature in age and live separate lives with their families and friends.

As a grad student who has frequent encounters with faculty members and grad students, as well as undergrad students, how do you see your role fit on campus in light of the changes going on in Ontario universities?

Nat: To be honest, with the marks that I had coming into UT for grad studies, I honestly didn't expect that God would open up the door for me to be at UT. After receiving my letter of acceptance, I know that God had many things in store for me. To tell you the truth, it hasn't been an easy journey in grad school. The life of a grad student is not the same as an undergrad. I'm most thankful for UTCCF to have been there always in support of me through their love, and through prayer. But there are many overseas students who endure struggles much more different than what we (who live in Canada for many years) endure. They must struggle with English, to do well in school in order to maintain their status as a VISA student, and most often, their lives evolve around their research.

To answer the question of what I see my role on campus is, right now I know that I must focus on my graduate studies given that God has granted me to study here. At the same time, I hope to be more involved with the grad ministry, and to build strong bonds with my fellow classmates and professors. CCF is also a big part of me, and so, I will definitely support the Chinese Christian ministries. Most of all, I really hope to be a good witness for Christ in my graduate program, as many of them do not know Christ and may not have a concept of God.

As a student who have been in leadership position in a Chinese Christian fellowship, what implications do these changes on campus mean to the A/CCF on campus?

Me: Firstly, as anything I said earlier, my opinions reflect what I see or have experienced at UW only. UWCCF may be different than the A/CCF's elsewhere because we average to approximately 100 people on a busy term, and it's comprised of students from 2 different universities: WLU and UW. We also lead almost everything in English. Because of the changing environment/dynamics of the types of students are that our on our campuses, it would first mean that we need to be aware of such issues and people. At this time, I feel that UWCCF is already starting to prepare by taking care of the frosh in more effective ways. We also need to look for a bigger room soon to accommodate the increase of numbers in attendance. And for a campus fellowship to be known, we need to be an active presence on campus and to focus on reaching outwardly more so than inwardly-one example is to focus on evangelism instead of discipleship. Yes, I do agree that discipleship is important, but evangelism is extremely important as well. One example is that last term, CCF focused their programs on evangelism (and this term people are encouraged to bring a new friend every week), whereas the cell groups and prayer meetings were more focused on discipleship and accountability. As previous Campus Challenges have emphasised, we also need leaders to pass the torch along to the future generation of students. CCF may be one of the bigger fellowships at UW, and so we need to perhaps work together with the others on campus to be even more effective as one body in Christ and most definitely-to pray for our campuses, including for us to have the compassion and a heart for the people.

There are different groups to cater to on campus, there are not only the CBCs/non-Chinese (as we are more comfortable to reaching out to), but there are also the graduate students, and those who are Cantonese/Mandarin speaking as well.

What would you recommend CCF to do now to better position themselves?

Nat:

• Two key words that I would hope that every Chinese Christian group have are: Visibility and Prayer
• The first aspect I want to stress is "Christian Visibility". Most often, CCF can be so self-contained, sometimes becoming an entity of its own. I find that most often, CCF's do not realizing what goes on beyond their Christian circle. While the whole society is changing, we are not keeping up with them. And we are definitely not equipping ourselves to be better warriors for Christ.
• Christian Visibility is important because CCF is there on campus for the campus. I hope every Christian student recognize that. CCF is there on campus for the campus! It is NOT a support group for the Christian students. We should be more visible, much more than before, especially in times like these. To let the students to know that there is an absolute truth in this pluralistic environment. To let the students know that Jesus Christ loves them.
• The second aspect I want to stress is "Prayer". It is so easy to get burnt out when serving in our respective campus Christian fellowships. Trying to juggle with school and with serving God in the campus ministries is very tough. We always fall into the trap of "doing" things, rather than reflecting upon what we are doing, and why we're doing it.
• Instead, I really hope that every one of us who are part of our campuses would just stop what they are doing, and come before God in prayer. There is such a need for prayers for the campus. Do we honestly pray enough for our classmates, for our professors, for the campus as a whole?

I want to challenge all of you to think about your campus as a mission field. With any mission field, each missionary prepares their hearts to listen and to obey God's guidance. Despite the fact that the mission is full of hardships, we learn to love those whom we come in contact with during the mission. We cannot do much for Christ if we aren't close to Him in prayer, and it would be worthless if we were to serve without love for our mission field.

If there were one overarching idea that you would want the current students on campus to have as a result of this forum, what would it be?

Nat: During the UTCCF winter retreat, our speaker Pui-Wing Wong (who is also a Waterloo alumni) challenged us to think about what sort of reputation do we as a fellowship portray to the rest of the campus. During Pui-Wing's time, he shared that CCF had a reputation for their investigative bible studies. His sharing really made us think…

So what kind of mark do you want to leave on your campus?

The Campus Challenge is "You are here", not only to challenge us to think about why we are here on campus now, but also to look to the future as well. I hope that through this whole weekend, we would all be more aware of what goes on in our campuses. I hope that through this forum, it will really challenge everyone to think about his or her positions on campus.

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1998-1999: Year One

Where are You, Lord?

Where am I in life? Here I am. The mid-point of existence--uncertain, unknowing, and wavering in my thoughts of life. Is this what university does to a person? Yes indeed, I am a student. ‘Frosh’ as they term it here in Ontario --one that is fresh to university life. The exhilaration of it all: the freedom of living apart from parental guidance, the friends you make, the fun you have (and the not-so-fun aspect: studying and exams) . . . eight months goes by just so quickly! And yet towards the end of my first year, an unsettling aurora hangs in mid-air. Why?

I wish I could proudly stand up and say that my life is as smooth as a sailboat sailing in the summer breeze. Without trials and challenges in my life however, I would be less dependent on God and more dependent on myself. Questions range from academics to petty issues in my life. On many occasions, God in His provision has answered my prayer requests. Relatively speaking however, they seem minor compared to the issues that I am currently facing. Especially knowing what God’s will is for my life.

I have asked this question before in my last year in high school, as I was uncertain whether I had the marks to get into Pre-Optometry at the University of Waterloo. You see, I had wanted to get into Optometry ever since I had my eye vision first checked in Grade 9 but I was not sure whether God wanted me to be there or not. At one point in Grade 12, I almost decided to quit, giving up on Physics 12, but by a miracle of God, I pulled through and the provincial examination marks surprised me. I did not think I had done well at all (as with my Chemistry 12 examination as well). Thus, I was accepted into Pre-Optometry. At that time, I felt that since I was in Pre-Optometry, then becoming an optometrist was also God’s will! I was also determined to prove the pastor in Waterloo wrong as he had confidently said that I would never get into Optometry many years back.

Now, I look back at my wrong assumptions. I do think I misled myself. What was God’s purpose originally for me? Did He place me in a new environment away from home, so that I can learn to be dependent only on Him? Because I seem to have refocused my priorities, my academic marks do not seem as important to me, yet I know they are the most important if I want to remain in my program. If I continue with the grades I have (to the point where I am unsure whether I pass or fail my genetics course), I will be removed from my program, by the university. It seems that I fare better in the faculty of Arts, as Psychology and English keep me interested and my marks seem to be higher in those areas. Yet, school seems secondary to me now that I have so many opportunities to tell others of Christ. I keep asking God: if Optometry really is not for me, then what is?

The future still lies ever so murky, but the haze of fog slowly lifts as each closed door from God leads to a new opportunity. However, fear stands in the way. Fear of failure and disappointment (not that I have not been disappointed many times already), fear of what will happen to me. Sometimes, passive thoughts of death run through my head: ‘Wish a car would run me over, then I would not have to face tomorrow,’ but I know that thinking those thoughts do not get me anywhere. Maybe just more depressed. During those times, verses such as John 14:1 or Matthew 6:25-34, do not help me refrain from wondering, or being depressed over my situation.

I should be rejoicing that I will be home in less than a week but ironically, I do not want to go back anymore. After settling in Waterloo, I have grown accustomed to the freedom I have. From past experience, once I return home, I will again be under ‘house arrest’ (meaning bare minimum freedom) and choices, such as attending which church I want to serve at, will be taken away from me. Not only so, I will not be seeing some of my friends for awhile. Many are graduating this term, my cell group leader is graduating from his master’s program after the summer term is over, and my friend (also in my cell group) may not be here until her graduating term (Winter 2000) due to her co-op program. All these people that touched my lives, I’ll be leaving behind. The ones I felt were encouraging role models in many different ways, the ones that shared the vision of the campus fellowship and studied various biblical truths with me, and the very same ones that accepted me for who I am even though I was merely a frosh. Now with all this, how can I leave Waterloo permanently before my studies are over? That is what my parents are strongly suggesting I do if I do not remain in my current program as it is less costly to study in British Columbia. Which means, the pressure on my academic marks is doubled: to stay in program and to be able to stay at the University Waterloo.

Powerless. A feeling that arises when I cannot take control of the situation I am in; the only way to rid it is to leave everything up to God. Sometimes, I do wonder if the reason I struggle so much is because the freedom I have is destroying me. I lack discipline, motivation and because of this, I tend to enjoy procrastinating in the sin of laziness. God knows this as much as I do; yet I have such a hard time concentrating on my schoolwork. When it comes to being powerless of what is happening around me in regards to the Chinese Christian Fellowship (CCF) I am somewhat involved in, I feel even more helpless and hopeless. With conflicts in CCF that I cannot clearly discern as being spiritual at this time or not, I am easily frustrated and drained because no one is doing anything about the problems. It seems to be that what they say is merely all words, no actions. Training seems to be an area CCF seems to lack, and according to Campus Crusade for Christ, prayer, evangelism, and training (PET) are three of the most important elements a Christian ministry should have. I have been asked to join committee but I have declined many times, the ‘feeling’ like I am supposed to is just not there. Campus Crusade for Christ would rebut that feelings and emotions will waver and one cannot be dependent on them. Sometimes I wonder though, was that a wrong decision? I justify myself by saying my marks are not steady nor stable, my parents are against the idea, and definitely I do not see myself as qualified to serve as there are so many more mature and older people that are most likely more experienced. If these seem like feeble excuses even to me, what about to God?

These, amongst many other things in my life trouble me. Do not get me wrong, ironically, I am generally content with life. There is not almost a single day where I do not forget to thank the Lord for the sunshine He has provided (as compared to Vancouver), nor the freedom and experiences that I get to enjoy while I am here. No, I do not take life as a student for granted. However, the question that still concerns me the most is ‘What is God’s will for me, for my life?’ It seems to be an endless search for the answer to that question but I trust that someday in due time, God will reveal the answer to me just as long as I keep trusting Him. Where are you, Lord?

‘Here, I AM.’

(Winter 1999)

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1999-2000: Year Two

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."

I had memorized Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) as a youth, but I had no idea how it would apply to me. Actually, I didn't even know what the verse meant. It was just a "good" verse to remember because everyone else knew it and I'm sure I got something in return for memorizing it: a sticker, a bookmark, etc. Now, I can thank God for showing me what it means, through life experience!

Second year at the University of Waterloo. Looking back, I can say that it seemed more stable than first year, but it was just as much work in terms of academics, if not more. Adjusting to university life, especially when you're away from home, took a year for me. I learned from the mistakes I made as a frosh. I learned that cramming doesn't work as well as it did in high school, that sleep is essential if you want to put effort into studying in the afternoons (instead of napping to make up for the time lost at night) and also to be able to wake up for church and not fall asleep during sermons, that skipping class really doesn't do you any good--unless you know what you are doing, and that your own cooking is three times as good as campus food--even if you don't know how to cook!

Fall 1999: a term of confusion, and decisions. The fall term began as a fresh, new start. I settled into an apartment, which I shared with a fellow CCFer and began the habit of studying in the DC, then DP--the quiet, non-CCF library. I'm glad that I didn't have resnet; I only had limited hours and a slow connection speed. Yet, the computer and my inviting bed always tempted me, so that is why I relocated. Thank God that my place is so much closer (and warmer because most of the journey is indoors) than if I had to walk from residence. Despite my efforts to retain and understand what the professors tried to 'teach' me, I was still in a big mess, especially with organic chemistry. Oh boy. "Oh boy", is the very least of it--just ask other people who have taken it. Either you naturally get it, or you don't. Nothing in-between. It was then that I truly questionned where I was going next.

My housemate constantly heard me sighing I'm sure, constantly wondering whether I was in the right program. I started doubting myself, and tried to obtain people's opinions around me. Some confidentally told me that I was at UW for one reason: to become an optometrist. If God opened that door for me in high school, then I should keep aiming for my goal. My good friend also encouraged me to stay in the program so that we could aim for our dreams together. I really admire her. She doesn't give up, even though she may not be excelling in her courses either. She also has a plan B that is related to her field of study, but she continues to work hard to reach for plan A.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart . . ."

Towards the end of the term, I was pulled into two directions. I started thinking of a possible future in English (yipes, the faculty of arts! =\). But with a pursuit in arts, my parents had previously told me that I would have to go to SFU instead, which I didn't want. I decided to wait for my marks to see whether I was able to pull up my science GPA. Admist this, I was praying. Harder than ever.

Winter 2000: This is where Proverbs 3:5-6 comes in. At Waterloo, the school term begins before marks are released from the previous term. I was still registered in the pre-optometry program and began another term with my science courses, and urgh, organic chemistry. Two weeks in, I decided to back out of that course and decided to take an arts course for fun (I barely passed the first organic chemistry, and I wasn't about to fail another course). I think I was only taking 3 sciences like the previous term.

". . .and lean not on your own understanding; . . ."

After bouncing the idea of going into RPW off my parents, they didn't persist on insisting me to transfer to SFU. I was pleasantly surprised. One day, I decided to see the arts advisor to ask for er, advice? Actually, I don't even remember how I ended up in his office. At that point, I think I (had already?) found out that my previous term marks weren't all that great in the sciences. However, I did quite well in the 2 arts courses I took ('A' range). He told me that if I was to switch into English, I would be able to do so without any problems, and best of all, every credit to date will be able to be transferred (normally students start off with a clean slate), so I would be going into arts as a third-year student with a high average in arts. On top of that, I had already met the requirements and pre-requisites in getting into my program without having to take extra time to make-up for any missing credits. Throughout the first and part of my second year, I had taken arts courses merely as electives, some of which were "recommended" as part of the pre-optometry program; others were merely taken out of interest sake. Additionally, in the faculty of arts, one is must fulfill two groups of requirements on top of your program requirements; upon the completion of the winter term, I would have already fulfilled more than half!

I decided to change all my courses (except human physiology) to art courses. Funny that I decided to see the advisor on that particular day, for it was the last day to make changes--I wasn't even aware of that! The science advisor finalized it by signing the form. I decided to forget about studying for the OAT (the optometry admission test) and just write it (because it was unrefundable). Turns out, I achieved average in my overall sciences and a little less for overall average. Oh well, I didn't study for it. I viewed my winter term as a term of transition. If I did very well in my one science course and only fair in my arts courses, then I would reconsider continuing my pursuit in the sciences.

" . . .in all your ways, acknowledge him . . ."

Throughout the term, I was constantly praying and seeking answers. Yet, even then, what happened on the day when I saw the advisor was more than a coincidence. I don't believe in coincidences or luck for that matter. Additional to prayer, I needed to do my part in doing my best and trying my hardest, which meant I needed to keep up with my courses = studying. Before I knew it, midterms came around yet, the results didn't discourage me. Instead, I kept working to improve with the hopes that I would pull up my GPA by the end of the term, and that I would exit the my current program with dignity (ie. taken off of conditional standing). The final part of the term came and went. Final examinations were written, and I impatiently waited in anticipation for the results to see how well (or poorly as usual) I did. I had to wait for 1 month! Such a slow system; at UBC/SFU, students can find out their marks almost right away through telereg (or something similar to that using a touch-tone phone).

Alas, my marks came back after everyone else got theirs! I was very happy to see that the human physiology course was my best science course thus far, but compared with the rest of my arts courses, it was still the worst of them all. Maybe my strength has been in arts all along? The marks are encouraging to say the least. I am off conditional standing and I could continue with pre-optometry.

Another incident caused me to discredit concidences and luck, and to thank God instead. When I tried to pre-register in for the pre-optometry program (as the acceptance decision was not made yet) for the fall term, the same advisor would not allow me to register for all arts courses and 1 science. First, she looked at my pre-registration form and asked why I wanted to take so many arts courses, and I said that I was planning to switch into arts. She looked at me in disbelief and asked, "Are you still in good standing?" Probably thinking that I wasn't, I replied, "Yes." She was shocked. Her face told it all. I could picture her thinking, "What's that crazy girl doing? She's in good standing, and yet she's switching from such a prestigous program into the faculty of arts? The faculty where 'everyone' looks down upon?" But afterall that, she told me that even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to take all arts, and 1 science because 2 sciences are mandatory to remain in the program. I was very surprised, because I suddenly realized that she made a mistake when she signed my course changes form at the beginning of the term for I only had 1 science. I was disappointed, but I filled out a 'dummy' form with all sciences (she even made me take a lab with a course, but my friend didn't have to when she registered). I think the advisors there are a l'il mixed-up.

". . .and he will make your paths straight."

About making this path straight. Well, it's not like I know for certain where God is leading me. However, at this point, I've been accepted into RPW at UW, and the past circumstances, including my marks, seem to have paved a direction for me. I do know that if I continue to trust Him, in hindsight, I will definitely see the how the 'path' became 'straight.' I cannot tell you that this choice to pursue a degree in English is the path that I will continue to follow. However, I trust that with each closed door, there is an open one with a window of opportunity inside.

(Spring 2000)

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2001-2002: Year Four

"Here I am. Send me."

Context: Excerpt of my application for a missions project in British Columbia.
Update: I got accepted to the project but not for the job position, thus I rejected their acceptance.

"29. Explain your reasons for wanting to be a part of this project. Include specific goals and objectives."

To be honest with you, I had no intention of applying for any missions project this year. Even after a couple of people from my home fellowship decided to apply for the OEX project, which I was slightly interested in a few years back, I did not give missions a second-thought. However, a couple weeks ago, the e-mailer for CC at our campus sent out an e-mail announcing its new website. Out of curiosity, I clicked on the link and eventually somehow ended up at the Project website. I ended up reading through the descriptions for all of the Projects and sent an ICQ message to my sister telling her that she should consider the TO or Vancouver Projects since she was looking for a job and also because I know she likes ministry related events. A day passed and all of a sudden, something piqued my interest in reconsidering what I passed along to my sister. I decided pray and ICQed a few people that I trusted, including a friend who went on the Sonrise Project last year, a couple of pastors, and my parents and asked their opinions about applying to go on short-term missions. Admittedly, I had selfish motives for wanting to go on this Project in Vancouver. My first reason was because the job offers seemed to be so relevant to what I wanted to do in my future career. Secondly, I wanted to work near my home, and lastly, because of my positive experience at the HQ in 1998, I had always wanted to work for Campus Crusade again.

The second reason soon fizzled as I learned that I would have little to no free time to visit my friends at home or stay with my family as the Project would occupy a participant’s time almost 24/7. I would also be giving up 4 months to spend time away from my closest friends in Ontario. I was discouraged, but many people were already praying for me. A couple of years ago, when I spoke to my parents about OEX, they were quite against the idea of me traveling to a “foreign” country and doing missions, but this time surprisingly enough, my parents even encouraged me to apply! Well, I was reluctant but began to pray about applying. During reading week, I kept putting it off using the excuse that my credit card was upstairs and so I was lazy to submit my application. However, during my last weekend in Ottawa, I was bombarded with reminders by God. I can only say that they were by God as only He knew what I was struggling with-stepping out of my comfort zone and having courage to obey.

What was there to obey? Throughout the weekend, each program I attended focused on evangelism. On Saturday night, our fellowship had a workshop focusing on evangelism. During service on Sunday, the pastor switched from talking about hell (the past couple of weeks) to why Christians should evangelize, with special focus on peer/relational evangelism. The sermon and response song were entitled, “People need the Lord”. The worship songs reflected the need to tell and change the world including one inspired from Isaiah 6:8 which says, “Here am I. Send me!” Throughout the service, I kept questioning myself, “Am I willing?” By the end of it, I confided in my closest friend and told him that I might not be returning to Ottawa in the summer. Class 401 (a series of “classes” based on ideas from a church in the States) continued to illustrate the various methods of evangelism and how to detect smokescreens (or answering objections). With a burden in my heart, upon returning home, I immediately took my wallet downstairs and submitted my application fee.

Although God may not want to send me this year to Vancouver for missions, I do know that, like my first year in university, I need to step out of my comfort zone again. Whether through missions or not, I have the responsibility to bring the Good News to my friends and peers. By applying to this Project, I have already taken a step of faith and left the rest to God. God willing, although I will sadly depart from my dear friends in Ontario in May, I will have something exciting and rewarding to look forward to: 4 months to stretch me spiritually, taking me out of my comfort zone, and perhaps even being able to reach my lifetime goal of personally leading a person to Christ. I know that the people I have shared my experience with are also praying for and with me. I, too, continue to pray.

(Winter 2002)

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2002-2003: Year Five

Many impressions that are etched in my memories seem to involve deeply with the people surrounding CCF and church. As much as I may want to deny the impact that the people of CCF have has on me, I must admit that even though they may not be serving in a leadership position, their passion for God leads them to be serving anyhow, by serving others. Sure, I am not as attached to CCF as some CCFers (hey, I'm only a member for the sole reason of voting), and yes, there are hurtful experiences with some people there, but the good seems to outweigh the bad (when I ignore the bad).

The (CCF) people who've been a part of my life:

Frosh Year

• Pastor Tim: I met Pastor Tim once in 1997 at some Missions Conference held by all CAC's in Canada. He knew my youth pastor from BAC from way back. I remember we were playing some game and he said, "You're playing @$$hole!" and I thought to myself, "What kind of pastor swears?!" Not to mention he said to me, "You're not going to make it into Optometry." (ouch). He definitely isn't like any other pastor I've ever known (in a good sense)! My pastor at BAC somehow told me that KWCAC had some free shuttle service from the airport (which doesn't exist), yet when I e-mailed Pastor Tim, he offered to pick me up from Pearson :). To this very day, I'm very thankful for him (even though I proved his statement right about Op) and has over the years, showed me that pastors are just normal people (instead of people that you only see up on the pulpit on Sundays).

• Dylan Lum and Amy Tung: In Grade 12, those two kept in contact with me by answering my many questions through e-mail about CCF. Ha, and to think that I thought CCF was going to be in Cantonese (hence the name, Chinese Christian Fellowship)..Dill is the least likely Chinese =). It occured to me once that perhaps Dill and Amy were going out then because Dill talked about his girlfriend (back then) and well, Amy seemed to be quite involved. I didn't realise they were part of the same committee ;). From our first discussions in my frosh year about our differing views on disciplining children and homosexuals serving in the church, I've come to see how much he's grown in God by the time he graduated.
• Alan Liu: "Hi! I'm Alan!" I distinctly remember him as being one of the first ones to introduce himself to me during the first CCF Praise and Worship night at KWCAC. I also remember him saying that he was from Missisauga, but no, didn't attend Pastor Isaac's church (MCAC) but rather, MCBC. Through him, I met others like Will Wong and Yee-Min Cha.
• Sandra Cheng: She was the leader of my worship team (who I think also had Daisy and some others). Not only was she passionate for God, she truly had the gift of caring (and still does to this very day). I remember that even though she was on her work term, she would call me to see how I was doing as a frosh.
• Ken Chung: During one Sunday after a CFC service, he invited me over to Shakespeare and made some noodles for lunch, while watching Veggie Tales (Madame Blueberry)! I didn't know him well then, but soon got a chance to just hang out w him and Andrew Ma in V1. I ended up watching Martial Law and Buffy :| every week during dinner with him and Eric Fung (the fruitopia label collector :P).
• Karen Leung: Although she was not a UWCCF goer (she was a Guelpher), Karen came to visit UWCCF many times during my first year. I was struck by her hospitality and kindness in outreaching to people she didn't know. During one thanksgiving weekend, she even invited me over to her place (in Guelph) for some Thanksgiving dinner....I had to decline because it was too far away (but PT invited us!).
• Larry Kim: Although a quiet-to-himself sort, he didn't hesitate to offer to walk me, a stranger, home to res after seeing me at the old twinkle lab (surrounding the MC Red Room) to check my e-mail and to contact my friends back home after CCF one night, even though he lived in the complete opposite direction. From his actions, I soon realised that many brothers made sure that their sisters were walked home safely back then.
• Alan Wong, Andrew Ma, and Jason "Sponge" Chan: Alan taught me the basics of UNIX and how to navigate through that OS, whereas Andrew, he looked my age and got me addicted to Atomic Bomberman--my rep as a found-out-hacker (netbus) stems from Mr. Ma and Sponge...netstat, pings, netbus, trojans, tracert...it's amazing what I learn in 8 months from these people (the more productive end of it is web development)!
• Natalie Wong, Carey Wan, Henry Chen, and cell-group: The female engineer who's been teased a lot...but Nat is also quite caring in her own l'il way. I think to this very day, she still sees me as a l'il girl (I've grown up a bit now Nat :T). She and Carey were in my cell group and both of them took time to talk and help me out whenever I needed it. The rest of my cell group showed me what love meant (ex. Kenneth Lam, Samuel Ooi, Tom Cheng(?), Alan Wong....). Henry, he the funny one. We'd have endless discussions about fundamental views of Christianity, played Tetrinet til late (I think he was the one who introduced it to me), and provided me places to study (like his office/basement/etc.). I think we disagreed more than we agreed on many issues, but I learned from him lots; his walk with God affected mine greatly. Henry and Nat and I went to the Ontario Science Centre one day and we all got in free because I had Science World membership :)!
• Wayne Pau and Matthew Mark
: Wale?! I donno why Wayne started to call me that, but to this very day, if I hear that name, it's usually in reference to me and I know it's Wayne. Shortly after, Matt kept calling me Beast (for what?! o_O ), which soon stemmed to everything else as being "beast" including Clara's eating habits. Near the end of first year, not only did Matt help me buy a dresser from Ikea (near his place) for me to move into TJ's place, but he also came down one day from TO to deliver me 2 "dj rumble wale CD compilations" and surprised me with some bubbletea! That was my very FIRST bubbletea from Canada ... (I've had it in HK). I was still sleeping (how embarassing..hehe, to open the door to see Matt with my "sleepy" look)...but it was nevertheless, something I remember =).
• CCF event-community outreach: While some people went to Oasis (a homeless shelter), a group of us went to Kitchener to Anchor House, a Christian(?)-runned Young Offender's House. Played foosball with a few of the youth (they're in there to serve as a sentence for various offences as a substitute for jail time) and my eyes were opened that night. One teen, "J", while joking around and in good spirits, as soon as his mother was mentioned (or seen), I caught a glimpse of his bitterness and a hurting...and was saddened at how much emptiness was reflected in his eyes, and how less of an impact that we had on him because we were only visiting once, never again to do anymore follow-up or to build any deeper friendships with these lost teens.

Second Year

Vince(?) or asked me to serve at the Welcome Table. Through that ministry, I was able to put more faces to names, and got to know more of the other brothers and sisters in CCF. That year, I moved into WCRI and lived with TJ.

• Tai Jing Moyung and Daniel Hsueh: I've seen their ups and downs (and had the honour and privilege to attend their wedding last year!), but they (along with Carey, and other Master's students) showed me that Masters is a quite a suffering and enduring process. In a sense, TJ was like a big sister and Daniel had an influence in where I am today; he was one of those who supported my decision to switch into RPW, an "elite" program, he said and he respected people like Eva Chan who was already in it.
• Kevin Ho: I don't think I knew him until one day, Ken Chung drove himself, Kev, and I for dinner at China Gardens. Shortly after, he asked for my opinion on choosing a set of frames and thus, I believe our friendship began there. I remember him even bringing a Cha Siu Bao over for me once for lunch :).
• Benjamin Abbas: I looked up to him (Sponge and Jen Mok) as "Artsies". There weren't many people in Arts during those days, and with the many questions of switching into an Arts program were mainly answered and supported by Ben. He also saved me from some strange stalkers a few times. I also had the chance to serve together on commitee and as Sunday School teachers. I really appreciated our friendship over the next few years.
• Vonne Young: I think my see-lai-ness started to become evident on our trip to New York/New Jersey together. I didn't know Vonne very well, until somehow, we became travelling companions. I don't know how that even came to be, but I thank God for enabling me to get to know her better through this trip, providing me with not only a friend, but a accountability/prayer partner over the years. hahah, $1 pens at the Disney store and my, oh my, to save a few dollars, we walked sooo much! :).

Third Year

I ended up serving in committee for 1 term and began to teach Sunday School at KWCAC. Ben and I taught together and although I did not feel that I was made for teaching Sunday School, teaching the teens taught me greater patience and love. And, from then on, I've come to love the people that I get a chance to share an hour with every Sunday and have the privilege to take part in their spiritual journeys (ex. Wallace becoming a Christian at TC!). And to this very day, although I've shared them with others like Daisy, Tania, Josiah, Feng, I wouldn't trade them for any other group :).

• Sherwin Chim, Gabe Chang, Winnie Wong, Dylan Lum, Benjamin Abbas, Abraham Wong: Okay, I admit, Gabby wasn't exactly a committee member, but his dedication and willingness to serve by taking cell groups and prayer meetings under his wing showed his passion for God and for people. I didn't know who Sherrie was when he ran for committee, but I'm glad that I got to know him through our term serving together. The insights that they, along with Winifred, Dill, Pork and Ben, gave and the weekly prayer meetings that we had really shaped up my walk with God. Many nights, Pork helped me with my Flash website, and through serving as co-DL, his questions often challenged me into thinking deeper ("am i doing this for love or obligation?") and desiring to live God's word. The committee members met outside of administrative and CCF events, which really helped build greater accountability and deeper friendships.
• Benjamin Cheung: I got to know him through my late nights in the Twinkle lab. His accounting friends would all be working on something, while I worked away on my essays. Our discussions on certain moral questions (e.g. is lying wrong? what about killing?) led into late night chats and massive research for biblically supported answers, but I've learned a lot from them as well. Sometimes, Benjamin reminds me of a little kid...I had tons of fun when he was around. Him and Johnny Wong, I've sadly lost in touch with...but I still have Ben's Point of Grace CD that I have yet to give back to him when I see him...

Fourth Year

Fourth year was a mess relationally. Had troubles beginning in the summer with more than one relationship, which ended up taking away any trust, sensitivity, compassion I had for anyone in general...one friend even wanted to commit suicide (thank God he didn't), my cousin went missing; it was a rough summer (and result, year). I withdrew from many people, not trusting and not knowing who was against me. Miranda Kong isn't a CCFer but I thank God for her anyhow, for trying to reach out (for what purpose I don't know but she persisted) and for Garvin Lee for the wisdom and maturity he has shown through our conversations, although I'm sure he doesn't think so or realise it. Funny, I look back now, and although my walk with God dwindled for awhile, the experience prepared me to be patient with people that would have formerly driven me insane within a matter of weeks.

Sadly, I can't remember anything good about CCF that year; merely a blip in my memory.

Fifth Year

I don't know Andy Yu or Wayne Chang very well at all, but these two people started coming back out and serving in CCF after seeing them maybe once in first year, and I'm encouraged. I'm encouraged to see them because in first year, for awhile, I kept seeing Wayne in the caf and asking him how he's doing, noting that I didn't see him at church etc, and his reason would be, "I slept in." to the point where I just gave up...but I'm glad that others continued to minister to them.

• Jeff Chang: I can't remember how I met him, but I do remember thinking that he had so much energy, much like a frosh at NSR. He made it at point to make sure my first term of my last year was one of my better terms (or the "best year" in his words). He challenged me by asking questions relating to his search for a better relationship with God. He succeeded in slowly drawing me back to CCF. His willing to serve by spending late night working on Insight, on the retreat handbook, by committing to help out with MCCF really reminded me of the fire for God that such young Christians have, and that older Christians should continue to have!
• Jason Wong: Jason literally helped me pass my cs230 algorithms course. He spent countless hours trying to explain and walk through logic with me to successfully progam and complete my assignments. Many times, I would feel on the verge of giving into sleep, but Jason would press to continue onto completion. His heart for God is shown through helping others. To a lesser degree, but still important, other people whom I've asked for help that's taken some time out to help someone they barely know include: Sam and Tim Ng, Joseph Wong, Waiki Lee, Dave Tse, Dan Tey and my other friends Eric Liu, Jeffrey Kwong, and Terence Wong.
• Mike Mak: I actually don't know this guy. Like some say, his quiet nature in large unfamiliar groups, makes him look quite intimidating. However, I got to see the other side of him one day when Waiki, or rather Mike, kept repeating, "I Love You" on Waiki's ICQ. He brought a smile to my face especially when at first I thought Waiki's account was hacked, but soon learnt, with Kevin Ho and Pastor Tim's help, that it was Mike =). Although I have yet to take up his offer and invitations to Westcourt events this term, his caring nature for others is evident through his actions, which I only attrtibute to God.
• Joseph Wong: I owe him a bubbletea, and much more. Not only did he find me a job in the summer, but the small actions he does is reflective of the gentleman that he is and also reflective of how a brother should treat his sister in Christ. His maturity (and immaturity at times :P) and his willingness to serve God whether in a leadership position or behind-the-scenes is thus reflected in him well.
• Becky Chan: I got to know Becky through our various conversations that we'd have. I think I'm drawn to Becky because of the tie she has to "home", but she understands and similarly struggles with finding a fellowship to belong in--to call CCF "home". During Winter Retreat, I had the chance to share with what's on my mind with both Becky and Anna Chu.
• Steve Wong, Daniel Lee: Their company, especially during the times of studying at the SLC. I have to include Terence Wong here too, for he got me hooked on Daytona for a term while he made sure (and helped) me to stay focused on studying :).

And outside of CCF:

• Jasmine Choi: She cared for our friendship. Jasmine made sure that I didn't stay mad at her whenever there was a reason to be...And, along with Joanna, they cared for the people around them. Noteably, she made sure that not only one of us, but both of us were okay.
• Eunice Chiu: She coerced me into being her god-sister, but I still love her. Over the past few months, I think she's unknowingly drew out the love for others and the care that I have buried deep within me. Tears have been shed for her (yes, eunie!) and prayers have been said in earnest for God to take care of her. I think she's a great part of my life now especially since she calls, like, everyday =) (and the days she doesn't call, haha, you don't want to know what she's doing). I may not agree with her lifestyle, but she's challenged me to live a life worthy of His calling in many ways more than one.

I know I've left out many. With over 186 UWCCFers that I've come in contact with over my 5 years here, it's impossible to name them all. I would leave you with Philippians 1:3-6, but because that's been overdone lately, I shall leave you with another. Jesus says in Matthew 5:3-10:

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven

Or as the Message translates it:

You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope.
With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you.
Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
You're blessed when you're content with just who you are--no more, no less.
That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God.
He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
You're blessed when you care.
At the moment of being "careful,' you find yourselves cared for.
You're blessed when you get your inside world--your mind and heart--put right.
Then you can see God in the outside world.
You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight.
That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution.
The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

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A: Eats, Shoots & Leaves

Q. What is a panda?

Lynne Truss's book, Eat, Shoots & Leaves briefly mentions theology when she discusses commas. Consider these two phrases and her thoughts on them in the excerpt below:

"Verily, I say unto thee, This day thou shalt be with me in Paradise." and: "Verily I say unto thee this day, Thou shalt be with me in Paradise." [Luke 23:43]

Now, huge doctrinal differences hang on the placing of this comma. The first version, which is how Protestants interpret the passage, lightly skips over the whole unpleasant business of Purgatory and takes the crucified thief straight into heaven with Our Lord. The second promises Paradise at some later day (to be confirmed, as it were) and leaves Purgatory nicely in the picture for the Catholics, who believe in it.

I re-read that and she seemed to have a point. Questions ensued: If punctuation wasn't a part of the language in the original biblical manuscripts, then who determined punctuation placement? Thus, is doctrine and the basis of our faith affected? Is that another reason why Protestants and Catholics have so many differences?

I have difficulty reconciling some of the differences, but over the years (and in recent discussions with a friend), I have come to understand bits and pieces slightly better. I think my mother wisely differentiates between two types of Christians - not Protestant vs. Catholic, but the "everyday Christian" vs. the "Sunday/Easter/Christmas Christian". Funny, how a mother's response to her child's question, "Are Catholics Christians?" is still rememebered and carried to today.

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Chiasms

The other day, I came across an article that spoke of chiams and poetic pagnination and how the technique is effective for marketing purposes. Seeing that chiasms are actively in use in the real world made me marvel at how Old Testament writers already knew about the techne of chiastic structures.

Take Genesis 4:1-7 for example. Chiastic symmetry in short, follows this pattern: ABCB’A’ (with primes, it sounds like mathematics). Derived from Greek, chiasms means to put things in opposite order, effectively creating a contrast.

Plenty more (and likely better) illustrations are scattered throughout the OT and likely the NT. Can you find any others?

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Analogies

the Business Model
Philippians 2:2 "...make my joy complete by being likeminded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose."
Being likeminded in Christ doesn't necessarily mean thinking or agreeing upon the same ideas, or having the same approach. Much like a business unit, every individual and team is striving for the same goal, the same mission. After the annual or quarterly meeting to discuss the hopes for the coming term, each team goes back and works on various projects to carry out the common vision. So, just think in business terms :).

--

Philippians 2:5 "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus"
Our attitude should reflect Christ Jesus, who was ultimately the representative for God.

the Program
Genesis 1:27 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."
As a child of God, we should have inherited qualities of Him. Think about programming for a moment. Do you remember the features of inheritance? (no? well, I don't either). A class can be assigned to inherit the properties, methods, events, variables of the parent class. Or, if terms of design and publishing, in a style sheet (whether in a Cascading Style Sheet or in Microsoft Word), one can create a style/class that inherits the same attributes as a higher one (a style within a style - potentially headache causing, yes!). Or more simply, genetics. Because we belong to God, people should see Him through us.

the Tradeshow
At job fairs, or tradeshows, companies select employees, let's say you, to represent their company at their booths. The show attendees that stop at your booth belong to one of two categories: i. informed and educated - they know who your company is and what they represent; or, ii. prospects - potential clients or employees that have never heard of your company and may be interested in finding out more. If they belong to the first group, they may not really care who you are; they just see your employer. They may look upon you favourably perhaps because they are clients of your company, but you affirm their preconceived notions of the company even if they may be negative. With the second group, you have more power to influence the first impressions of an individual. Whether you do a good job at representing your company is up to you; your company is reflected through you. Most of the time, in either group, the attendees won't even know or remember your name but what you represent, your company, has the lasting impression. As a representative of God, what kind of impressions do you leave behind?

Prince Charles (by jcheng)
2 Timothy 2:8 "Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day–and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."
As Christians, we all have the end in mind; we know we will get the crown, just as Prince Charles has inheritance to the throne. Although Prince Charles may have the rights to the crown, the public still watches with close scrutiny how he lives his life. He could have chosen the mythical/fairy tale path but he chose the current one he is on - and perhaps in the process, lost many supporters, followers - subjects that respected him and could have led. For us, even though we already know how the story ends, we still need to get there and in the process, will we bring anyone with us?

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Walking on Water

$14 sure goes a long way when you have your own equipment: 4 hours to snowboard on mostly "blue" powder runs and a lesson in faith. Matthew 14:28-30 (NIV):

“Lord, if it's you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

I now have a better understanding of how Peter must have felt: Then I got on my snowboard, picked up speed and came toward the bottom of the run. But when I felt the wind, I was afraid and, beginnning to lose confidence, lost control and fell.

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Dancing as One

Excerpts from Ephesians 5:22-25 says,

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior...Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."...However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The art of dancing may look simple and smoothly done, but the intricacies of dance is a challenge; the synchronization, rhythm, and choregraphy of two individuals must come together to weave as one. Just as dancing takes practice, so must a relationship as a husband and wife. One could parallel a husband-wife relationship with dancing as a pair. Nothing breaks the unity of a dance like a jarring disarray of blurred roles. Ladies, let the gents lead. And guys, take up the role of leadership. In the end, we shall be dancing as one for One.

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Dialogue

Has a Bible verse just popped in your mind mid-prayer? Precisely at those times, I think dialogue (as opposed to monologue) is taking place - it's God revealing truths during your conversation with Him. I've always known that God often uses His Word to speak to us, but I don't think I've paused much to feel the intimacy of it.

As I prayed for those hurting around me, Genesis 1:27 popped into my mind ("So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." [niv]) I was reminded that we are created in God's image; we have the capacity to hurt, just as much as He does. He probably hurts more from what He sees, what we do, and when we hurt. Somehow, I became in greater awe of who He is as a result of this insight.

This is good. I need to mull more =).

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Epilogue

If any of you have examined what makes "a wife of noble character" in Proverbs 30:10-31, it's quite the list of traits that an "ideal" wife would have. Boy, oh boy, what a challenge; I sure have much to work on! A word to the guys, aim high! In summary, here are some of the qualities that are reflective of a noble character in a wife:

A Wife of Noble Character (is):
-virtuous, capable wife
-priceless
-trustworthy
-enriches husband's life
-helper, not hinderer
-industrious
-planner, cook, early riser
-successful/comptent businesswoman
-energetic, strong, hard-worker
-"see-lai" (looks out for sales and bargains - good stewardship of $)
-not lazy, skilled
-hospitable, compassionate, generous, cares for poor/needy
-takes care of family (provides clothing - can sew, warmth, and TLC)
-has a fashion sense/knows quality
-provides/ensures well-being of family
-has respected husband who is in leadership roles
-maker/craftswoman
-possesses strength and dignity
-laughter flows and does not worry about the future
-speaks wisely
-teaches/instructs with kindness
-know about household activities - kept up-to-date on her family members' lives
-a blessing to her children
-praiseworthy (her husband views her as being the "best" wife)
-need not charm nor beauty
-fears the Lord
-doer of (good) deeds that are praiseworthy

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last: but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised." v.30 (NLT)

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Beauty

As the term of BSF comes to an end, one comes to expect an evening of open-mic sharing much similar to that of CCF or Alcoholic Anonymous - "My name is..." Throughout the week, I looked at the questions asked, and I couldn't answer any of them, but as I sat through and listened to those around me share how God spoke to them during the bible studies, I realised that God indirectly taught me a few important lessons:

1. Through the book and life of Esther, I realise that the story isn't a fairy-tale about an orphaned girl who becomes queen and incidentally, the heroine who lives happily ever after. Instead, her family chose to stay behind when the Jews were free to move back to their homeland, which resulted in the unfolding of such events, including the mandate that Esther leave her home to live in a palace and sleep with the king during a one-night stand, knowing that he had slept with previous girls before her and more after her, and the complete annihilation of the Jews - almost. Thus, in our disobedience, God may still choose to be merciful and gracious to us, intervening in the midst of the consequences of our choices.


2. Through BSF, I had the chance to see how beautiful and attractive that they have become. Their joy and love for God radiates from within and brings a glow of beauty on their faces and in the way they carry their lives. Whomever they end up with for their rest of their lives will be very blessed. Through the five years that I have been away, I can definitely see that God has been at work - the girls that I once knew, have become women of God. I would not have had this opportunity to observe this, should it not have been Pris (girl #1), who invited me to come out; Z (he's not a girl), whom decided to sit with me (since I was on my own after the 2nd week *ahem*) which in effect, slowly reintegrated me back (somewhat) into the BAC community; and, Rho (girl #2), who so happened to be in the same discussion group that I attended.


3. The Holy Spirit may very well be working in my ex-coworker's life already. I recently came to find out that one of his friends supposedly attends BSF as well (she didn't show up today, so Pris couldn't point her out to me) - it doesn't guarantee that because of that, she's a Christian, but now there's greater hope that he'll come to know God (yes, I actually care).
4. "Be holy, because I am holy" - being holy != perfect.

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53X

While waiting for my ride home last week, I walked to the local library and browsed through their small section of fiction books. Lo, and behold, a neon green and pink paperback titled Slave to Fashion captures my attention. Seeing that Sophie Kinsella, author of Confessions of a Shopaholic reviewed and seemingly recommended it, I decided to pick up that one and Confessions as well since I haven't read it (and I've seen it being mentioned by Pearlo and sitting around at Chapters). I read the renown one first, and found it to be quite Ally McBealish (unlike GKY, I'm not entirely a fan of AM) with Brit-humour in it. The book that really reminded me of Brit humour was actually Slave to Fashion. I had in mind that it would be fashioned (harhar) much like Confessions, since it had a similar look and title, but was I ever wrong. This book reminded me of Bridget Jones' Diary and Notting Hill; every part of the character's life revolves around sex. Then again, so does North America, but there's this aurora that makes it different, but I can't really pinpoint what it is.

Oddly enough, the evening I finished the book, our discussion at 3D was regarding sex and how the media portrays sex as being fashionable or how we perceive it to be. It dawned on me that the title of the book was quite suiting for the theme of the book: if sex = fashionable, then Slave to Fashion = "Slave to Sex". I'm probably reading too much into this, but I've been trained to be a literary critic :).

Yesterday, the pastor made a very interesting point in his sermon. He said, "Lusting after someone who isn't your wife [spouse] is a sin." While that may be true, the statement implies that lusting after your wife [spouse] is not a sin. My question is, why not? What about lusting after something (like a car, who is not your wife)?

If your answer is "no, lust within the marriage is good" (which 4/4 have said as their initial response to my questionning), then what do these verses mean? Shall we disregard them in this context?

Colossians 3:5 - "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry."
1 Peter 4:3 - "For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do iving in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry."
1 John 2:16 - "For everything in the world- the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-comes not from the Father but from the world."

(All Scripture taken from the New International Version, emphasis mine)

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Bloody Membership

Acts 15:28-29: "It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us not to burden you with anything beyond the following requirements: You are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood, from the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality. You will do well to avoid these things. Farewell." (NIV).

In the last 2 weeks of Sunday School, Pastor Szeto brought up some interesting topics of discussion, while we were going through Ephesians 2.

Firstly, church membership--a topic that persisted into my conversation with Josh Wong. Legalities. For those that don't know what church membership means, it implies that you have committed yourself to that one church until God leads you elsewhere. HCCC, unlike many churches, does not require (or even encourage) ppl to transfer their memberships to serve there. They're probably one of the churches on the bottom extreme. I seem to have seen the full spectrum:

1. Halifax CCC: No membership required to serve.
2. Kitchener-Waterloo CAC: Dual membership allowed.
3. Surrey CAC: Automatic transfer of membership w/o members' approval, but dual membership allowed.
4. Burnaby CAC: Membership required to serve in top leadership positions.
   Under by-law: Membership will expire after 3 months of inactivity or regular attendance.
5. Ottawa CAC: Must transfer membership to serve in almost ALL leadership positions

Continuing on to the topic of membership, Josh W. and I were discussing about church support for workers in ministry/missions. I was born and raised in CACs and in my ignorance, I had assumed that most churches require one to be a member of their church prior to supporting one to go on missions or into ministry; at least that's how the churches I grew up in operated. Apparently, that's only true in the Christian & Missionary Alliance churches. The limits of belonging to a denominational church I suppose...

Secondly, I learnt that in the OT, there are at least 636 laws that the Jews were expected to follow (for hygiene and other reasons). However, in Acts 15:28-29, as noted above, after debates of fervor with the leaders of the time, they concluded and recommended that Gentiles (the names for Christians who do not come from Jewish descent) only needed to observe 4 of the 636. I just realised that (especially) as a Chinese, the first three laws are generally "broken". Why? Examples: "siew yok" (bbq pork) is used for sacrificing to idols (see scene from Sammi's movie, My Left Eye Sees Ghosts), pigs' blood ("ju hong") is eaten with congee (strangely enough, I actually like it), and chicken is usually strangled (neck is broken instead of slit and blood drained) because apparently, the meat is more juicier with the blood contained (that's why chinese chicken's meat is sometimes pink, even though it's cooked). The pastor touched upon some of the 636 laws that were meant for hygienic reasons--makes sense if you live in close quarters in a camp-like environment back in the days (like the laws for SARS these days). A few of them cautioned against eating animals that were scavengers (like crows, etc.). As a result, our conversation veered toward eating shellfish, namely lobster (since we are in the maritimes), as their dietary habits are quite unclean as they filter everything in (and out)...maybe that's why Josh S. doesn't enjoy lobster :).

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Real Life Stories

...

Forgiveness:
I tend to think much in the shower, and as a result, converse with God (especially in first year in the communal shower stalls). The topic of the month, as it seems, has been on forgiveness. Well, it's been constantly on my mind, and I was once again reminded a night ago by the radio program Focus on the Family (heard on 98.5 FM in Waterloo at 20h30 weeknights), and by Gen's testimony at MCCF. As much as I would like to say that I have resolved to forgive certain individuals, time and time again, Satan just uses lil reminders that make me remember all over again. Dr. Dobson and his guest on the show somehow helped me to better understand what I was struggling with all along, the concept of "forgiving and forgetting"--as we're taught to do and often associating it to God as well. They point out that the character of God won't allow him to forget what you did, but rather, He will not hold it against you any longer. Similarly, I won't be able to forget what's been done, for even after 1 year and some, it still hurts especially when I'm reminded (takes time to completely heal I suppose), but by forgiving, I don't hold them for what they did intentionally and/or unintentionally. What struck me most came from reflecting on Gen's testimony, while I was thinking off on a tangent. If the person that was hurt the most throughout this trying time can muster up forgiveness to the person who may have hurt him or her the most, who am I not to forgive? The darkness in me just sickens me, but I thank God for revealing that to me under His grace.

...

Nakedness:
Couple of funny verses taken from my devos 2 night ago from Isaiah 20:2-4. God used the prophet Isaiah, as a living example and to make a point by telling him to: "Take off all your clothes, including your sandals." Isaiah did as he was told and walked around naked and barefoot. Then the Lord said, "My servant Isaiah has been walking around naked and barefoot for the last three years. This is a sign--a symbol of the terrible troubles I will bring upon Egypt and Ethiopia. For the king of Assyria will take away the Egyptians and Ethiopians as prisoners. He will make them walk naked and barefoot, both young and old, their buttocks uncovered, to the shame of Egypt..." Three years?! Insane. I hope he didn't haveta endure the snow and -15C or worse weather. I'd be pretty uncomfortable...(italics emphasis mine).

...

SARS:
My dad called me today and told me an amusing story. Well, I suppose it's not to be taken lightly, but it's still funny. His family friend just came back from a business trip in Shanghai and Beijing and was supposed to take a 10 day quarantine for safety reasons--according to the recommendations of the Ministry of Health in BC, I guess--but instead, my dad went over to his place and had lunch with him. When my mom found out after returning from work, she freaked out in paranoia! She disinfected the entire house with bleach, including the toilet, and refused to eat at the same time with my dad, didn't let him get near her or have any physical contact with her, to the extent of kicking him downstairs into my sister's abandoned room to sleep there for the next 10 days...I think my dad is okay though (ie. not personally offended) by the way he told the story...I think if I had a wife who did that to me, I'd be quite unhappy. I don't think my mom would survive living in Toronto right about now. She somehow coerced my aunt to call me to tell me to stop looking for job opportunities there as well.

...

P.S. Got access to My Life as McDull and Laputa, so that scratches out all the movies save one...so, if anyone is interested in seeing Princess Arete, please let me know =).

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Baa, Ram, Ewe

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

As I was doing a Bible study on "Sustaining Grace" tonight, the passage of focus was Psalm 23. One question that Bill Hybels (and co.) made the reader ponder upon is why at the start of the fourth verse, the subject/voice changes from He to You. I still don't know why...

Another notable is that if you notice the way that David writes the Psalm, he uses the verb "walk" (dunno if it's same in Hebrew, but Boy might be able to check it out--speaking of the l'il Boy, berfday wishes to him!) to get through the valley of the shadow of death (or darkness), not running or sprinting through--which may imply that it takes time, patience, and persistance to go through and out of the valleys of life. Another association with walking is the indication of being calm (for evil is not to be feared) as opposed to running for your life.

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Hrm. I seem to have a sustaining bruise from snowboarding since Jan 03,2003. The plastic on the boot kept pressing on my shin and it tore a piece of skin off (like you really wanted to know that) which resulted in a bruise. The scab has since fallen away, but the bruise and the pinkish mark since remains. Must I agitate it to make it dissipate?! Siigh...

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LOL. Frankly, I'm quite amused. Tonight, the same girls from downstairs called our house and Eunie answered the phone. Apparently, one of them failed a midterm last week alledgedly because we were so "noisy" and she/they couldn't sleep. If I remember correctly, last week i) Eunie wasn't here and ii) all of us were so busy that we had no time to chit chat. I was in my room practically the whole week doing assignments and studying myself. And no one else was home much either. Oh, not to mention that we did not receive ANY noise complaints last week either...She told Eunie that they really didn't know what to do to filter out the "noise" (okay, I admit that maybe this week is louder than last but I don't see any justification for last week)...shall I suggest getting earplugs? Or perhaps, moving out to say, Shakespeare (tho' the rent is twice as much as ours) where the walls are much thicker and there is carpet in every apartment!?

--

Ah yes, guess what? Not only can The Flash Mind Reader read your mind, I can read your mind too! If anyone wants the solution on how that is possible, give me a shout. :) Funny, how DanTe needed to code a program for it before he found out how it worked :P.

Aside: Weird, what's up w the Chan_'s bdays this week? Happy berfday to them all: M Chang (3rd) D Chan (4th) C Chan (5th) and D Chan (8th)...

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God!

I've seen the work of God evident in the lives of others around me this week, and I'm once again reminded of first year, where I kept a record of every small thing that reminded me of Him: Sunday was conclusion of retreat, Monday was continuing my personal Bible study on grace, Tuesday was how He kept my housemate safe (escaped with minor bruises), and today, Soulafide @ Campus Crusade for Christ.

Rewind: During the mid-90s, when the Canadian HQs of Campus Crusade for Christ was located in Surrey, BC, I got to know the faces of those that visited "our" restaurant. From then on, I was intrigued by this Christian organisation that wanted to "change the world". I guess this organisation has been dear to me ever since I found out that they impacted me without them realising, for I dedicated my life to Christ in 1992 through one of it's then existent outreach ministries: Maralee Dawn, the ventroliquist.

Fast-forward some years: One summer's day in August of 1998, I wandered the halls of Campus Crusade of Christ Canada's HQs under the "fertilised" air of Langley, BC. The two weeks of working with HR (even tho I was assigned quite menial tasks) really gave me a first glimpse (the second would be with Focus on the Family, Canada a year later) of the joys of working in a Christian organisation, doing work for God full-time and the importance and the impact of Campus Crusade for Christ has on the world. As I looked at the various campuses across Canada and the coloured pins (and years of existence?) that were stuck on each one that had a Campus Crusade for Christ fellowship on the campus. I recall seeing a pin on UW and mentally noted to check it out in the upcoming school year.

Imagine my surprise when during my first year, only about 10 or so students showed. In those days, there was no weekly fellowship, but rather a separate bible study group for both guys and girls that met on different days of the week. Perhaps once a month, we'd get together and spend time with the rest of the group. I can't say that I attended everything, but I do recall that we'd fit into 1 or 2 cars and be able to do some games, worship at someone's house and on special nights, we'd carpool to Guelph to have OEX prjct sharings, dinners, or to have workshops on spiritual gifts, joining with surrounding CCCs. Today? They have over 40 students meeting every week for a time of worship and fellowship! Neat, eh? What's more, is that the leader of my Bible study group (and leader for many of the other events) is now married to fiancé/bf and serving full-time at CCC! I saw their picture today with the Africa Sonrise Project 2002 team...(yes, one theory I have is that dedicated CCC leaders eventually get married soon after graduation, to someone within CCC, and then both of them serve full-time with them..I know at least 5 couples that followed this "trend" and the thing is I don't know very many CCCers). Praise God for what He has done over the years! :)

Aside: As much as I support CCC, I still have my reservations about some of their staff's outlook, for they represent CCC--I fully support their desire to change and impact the world, but to diminish the importance of outreaching to a smaller community (ie. outreach to chinese culture and its community as inferior to reaching the world) somehow turned me off or away from wanting to serve with them on campus, which is why I'm still at Chinese Christian Fellowship (part of Ambassadors For Christ), which I realise is a smaller organisation, but they serve to outreach to a specific group, which I don't believe for a minute that they are neglecting the Great Commission to "make disciples of all nations..." (Matthew 29:19) for they raise people and send them to different nations in the world to carry the Good News as well. So within 5 years, a multiplication of 4 times the people at UWCCC. With the double cohort next year and by God's grace over the next few years, I would not be surprised to see UWCCC the size of UWCCF today!

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Church experiences

Caution: Speedbump ahead.

[begin abstract] Well, after giving Rick Warren and his book, The Purpose Driven Church a second-chance, I've come to conclude that it's not him that I have a problem with (in fact, his methodology is quite good), but more of the churches that implement his strategies and suggestions that give people, like myself, a negative impression of his efforts. [end of abstract]

Although the book's target audience seems to be directed at pastors or leaders of churches that desire to grow, someone attending one of the churches that model after Saddleback (Warren's church) should read it to better understand the basis of some key or repeated ideas.

I know I'm known to criticize churches, including my own, who adopt Warren's idea a l'il too readily. Carbon-copies of resources are used, which makes me wonder if the church wants to be Saddleback. Thankfully, over the years, most churches have moved away from replicating and imitating the exact ideas of Rick Warren's church from lesson models (e.g CLASS, magnify/mission/membership/maturity/ministry) down to the guest welcome card. I think churches were a lil over-zealous to succeed and neglected to read his plea: "To understand many of the methods in this book, you need to understand the context in which they were developed. Otherwise you may be tempted to copy things we did without considering the context. Please do not do this! Instead, look beneath the methods to see the transferable [emphasis mine] principles on which they are based" (27).

A concept that I never fully understood is the CLASS (or the baseball diamond) model. Yes, the material in each class is quite good, but what if one moves and attends another church that uses the same model? Will the material not overlap? I've attended at least three churches long-term that use the CLASS idea, and at each church, I am overcome with a sense of pure dread of the high possibility of having to endure repeated teachings (not even sure if it's in a "fresh" way), echoing the same objectives.

Another oversight that I see churches often doing is the way the sermons or services are prepared. Warren emphasizes that "both verse-by-verse (book) exposition and verse-with-verse (topical) exposition are necessary in order to grow a healthy church." Hrm. I'm glad he said that because otherwise, based on my experiences, I would've thought he only encouraged topical teachings as being crucial to success. The few churches that supports the Purpose-Driven model that I've attended seem to focus on topical teachings 90% of the time. Topical teaching (ie. sermon that focuses on one topic, such as God and Suffering for example) has its place and time as does focusing a sermon on a particular passage of the Bible. One problem that I have with topical teaching is that I often find the sermon quite shallow. Perhaps it's because services tend to be more "seeker-friendly/sensitive" but verses to support points raised are seemingly pulled from all-over-the-place in the Bible. I often wonder what the context of the verses are written in and if they're used in the right context (eg. Rev 3:20 is arguably used in a wrong context quite often)...

During the time that the Purpose-Driven model got popular, Bibles were also being slowly phased out. I've learnt that at in at least three churches I've been to, one does not need a Bible, for all the biblical references are printed in one's outline or on the projected on the screen; therefore, one's Bible can continue to sit on the shelf and collect dust. With technology comes convenient I suppose, but I also wrongly assumed and blamed it on Rick Warren's teaching. Well, he suggests that idea I guess, but he also notes that in his church, they place Bibles in front of each seat so that they can all follow along on the same page.

Well, on the bright side, at least there is somewhat of uniformity amongst different churches across North America...haah, almost cult-like if you ask me. Thankfully, I don't have to come to terms with a replicate Saddleback church at the church I serve at in Waterloo, but I know it's inevitably avoidable to keep running away from them, especially if a church ministers to my needs and offers a place where I can serve at...

And in conclusion, I've decided that I'm not against Rick Warren or how Saddleback Church works, but rather, how other churches misrepresent them.

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BS

Wow. We're studying John for Sunday School AND cell group now. I guess one can never get enuff! For instance, it just occured to me that in Chapter 1, verse 10, the statement is in itself a summary and a fulfilled prophecy of Isaiah 53. For, in verse 10, the NIV says, "He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him," which seems to echo verse 3 of Isaiah 53: "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not."

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If I perish, I perish..

By the grace of God, I shall live to see another week (and a weekend in ottawa!). Amidst my midterms, assigments (actually, just one, but pgrmming seems like it's 4 together), and presentation, I leave you with John 3:16 as written by one of my Sunday School students: God loved the world very much and because of his wonderful love, he sent his one and only son so that whoever believed in him and trusted and accepted him, would have eternal life and live in the Kingdom of Heaven.

God loves us very much and because of that he sent his one and only son that whoever believed in him would have eternal life which would mean that God sent his one and only son so that whoever believed in him would have eternal life which is a very good thing for God to do. Amen

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